Page 43 of Don't Look Away

I don’t say anything to that, because it’s true. Very few people know about her past, so it’s not that. It’s because she’s an outsider, and she’s been given privileges that are typically only afforded to fully-fledged members. So, yeah, she’s right, if she were to go through the initiation ritual, she’d get a much warmer welcome. But just the thought of what she’d be subjected to in that ritual fills me with fuckingrage.

We pull up to the house, and I park in the back. Cutting the engine, I turn to face her. “Lux, the answer is no,” I say firmly. “You’re not doing it.”

Her eyes narrow, and I see that all-too-familiar streak of defiance surface. “Roman, seriously, how bad could it be?”

I take her chin between my thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up, so she’s looking directly at me. I need her to hear what I’m saying. “Lux, every member is beholden to the society, a servant to it. Even me. And the society has done some fucked-up things. You don’t want to be a part of it, Lux. You don’t.”

She stares straight through me, unflinching. “You’ve already made me a part of it, Roman.”

“You can still get out. But once you’re a member, it’s for life. There’s no exit strategy, unless you’re kicked out, and you saw how well that went for Tyler.”

Her throat moves as she swallows, but she doesn’t back down. “In the end, it’s not really your decision, is it?”

I release her chin, frustrated by her constant defiance. She has no idea what fresh hell she’s asking for. “Actually, it is. Even if you manage to get nominated, all four Sacred Sons have to vote you in.”

There’s a brief flicker of disappointment in her eyes a second before it’s replaced with that same defiance from a second earlier. “I’m sure there’s a loophole. There’s a loophole for everything.”

I shake my head. “This is my kingdom, baby, and my power is absolute. There are no loopholes.”

She just shrugs and glances away. “Why are you so opposed to me going through the initiation? Is it dangerous?”

“Yes.” But not in the way she’s assuming. If she ever actually went through with it, then I’d have to kill some motherfuckers, and then we’d be in a whole new world of hurt. “Now, let’s go inside, order takeout, and binge something in bed.”

She smiles at the suggestion, and I know I’ve got her. Lux would never turn down a night in bed. “Fine, but this conversation isn’t over.”

The hell it isn’t. She may think she can sway me, but there’s no way she’s going through with that initiation. No fucking chance in hell.

We end up ordering pizza, and watchingReturn of the Jedi. The opening credits alone fill me with so much nostalgia. James and I used to watch the Star Wars movies together when we were kids, and even later when we were older.

When we were kids, we both had Star Wars sheets and everything. We’d find long thin pieces of driftwood on the beach and pretend they were lightsabers. I always wanted to be red, but James would never let me. God, the fights we’d have over that.

The end credits are rolling when I glance over and notice Lux is fast asleep. Switching off the movie, I turn toward her. I can’t resist touching her, so I reach out and brush my thumb over the soft curve of her cheek. She’s so damn beautiful, just looking at her makes my chest hurt.

It’s so strange how life works, how one girl can flip your entire world upside down in a matter of weeks. I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone, let alone someone who is responsible for so much destruction in my life…

Covering her with the thick comforter, I tuck her in, then get up. I’m a night owl, and it’s way too early for me to go to sleep. I should take a shower, and do a little schoolwork. There’s a general perception out there that my grades are just given to me, but the truth is, I work damn hard for them. I don’t see much point in beinggivena degree. There isn’t enough money in the world that can fix stupidity. The only cure for it is knowledge.

And anyway, I’ve always enjoyed a challenge, craved it even. Maybe that’s part of my attraction to Lux. Most women are enigmas, in general, but Lux is next-level, and she’s a puzzle I’m dying to solve.

As I’m walking into the bathroom to take a quick shower, I spot Lux’s purse with what looks like the corner of a receipt sticking out, and it reminds me that I need to transfer money to her account for the cost of the birth control she picked up. I have no idea what that kind of thing costs, so I reach over and pluck the receipt out of her purse, hoping it’s the one I need.

I look down at the receipt, and I’m immediately alarmed. There are three items on this receipt, dated today, this morning, and all three items are labeled “PREG TEST.”

I blink, re-reading it.

Thefuck?Is this a joke?

I storm over to the bed and rip the blankets off Lux. She’s lying on her back, hand on her stomach, head turned toward me, still fast asleep. She looks so peaceful, her long lashes resting on the curve of her cheek, her pedal-pink lips pursed slightly. She must be exhausted, and after the last couple of weeks she’s had, and I can’t blame her. But to not mention buying pregnancy tests earlier today?

My mind is cast back to her reaction when I asked her about the doctor’s appointment. Her response was guarded, and even at the time, I knew something was off, but I couldn’t imagine what she could be hiding, so I let it go.

Fuck.

With my heart pounding, my gaze wanders her face, to her breasts, then still lower to the swell of her belly, her hand resting on it protectively. Could she actually be pregnant?

The kind thing would be to wait and talk to her in the morning about this, but I’ve never been accused of being kind.

Reaching out, I shake her shoulder until she moans, and tries to shift away from me. “Lux, wake up,” I say firmly.

---