Page 68 of Say It Slowly

He looks away, and I see him take a deep breath. When he looks back at me, there’s a softness in his eyes. “That shouldn’t have happened, Lux. I was angry. I’m sorry.”

I pull a pillow into my lap and hug it. “What happened with Jen last night?”

Maybe now isn’t the time to get into this, but I know if I don’t ask, the curiosity about what happened between him and Jen will eat me alive. I’d rather know the truth, ugly as it might be, rather than nothing at all.

The slightly panicked look in his eyes tells me everything I need to know. Still, I want to hear it. I want him to say the words. It’s a test to see if he can be honest with me, even when the consequences might be total annihilation.

He leans back against the headboard and looks at me like a man marching to his death. That look sets my pulse racing.

A tic pulses in his jaw, and he glances down. Fuck, he can’t evenlookat me. “I took her to some random beach.” He shrugs one shoulder. “And we, uh…fucked around.”

Fucked. Around.

I nod slowly, even as the sharp edge of betrayal slices through me. My chest constricts, and I clear my throat. “When you say fucked around…”

I don’t want to hear it, but I know I need to. I’ve been saying this whole time; even though we’ve had sex, we’re not together, and now, he’s about to prove my point…

He doesn’t answer my question directly, though. “I needed to prove that I could get you out of my head.”

I can tell what he’s telling me is hard for him to admit. But if he thinks that’s going to earn him any compassion from me, then he’s an idiot.

My heart is thundering in my chest, and my stomach is a mess, but when I speak, every word is measured, and calm. “What did you do with her, Roman? You might as well tell me.”

His eyes flick up to meet mine. “She sucked me off…”

Those four words crash into me like a giant wave and suck me under. As I struggle to pull in a breath, I can feel every last drop of blood drain from my face.

“Well, she tried,” he corrects, his gaze glued to my face. “But shit wasn’t working, so I stopped her, and then we…went to the party.”

A cyclone of emotions twists through me, but somehow, even through all that, I manage to find my voice. “Wasn’t working…” I repeat, encouraging him to elaborate.

Do I really want him to, though? I’ve heard what I needed to hear, and I’m already glancing around the room, looking for a sharp object I can plunge into his cold, black heart.

“Yeah, um.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, and tilts his head to the side, closing his eyes briefly before looking back down at me. “I couldn’t…” He releases a deep breath and the next sentence comes out in a rush. “She wasn’t you, Lux, and I just couldn’t do it.”

Wow. Just, wow. He couldn’t finish. Is that supposed to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside or something?

“So we’re fucking other people,” I say. “Good to know.”

The pure panic in his eyes is almost comical. But he grabs my arm, and the panic fades to anger like he knows exactly what I’m planning. “Don’t,Lux. Don’t try to prove a fucking point…”

“The fact that I can’t even talk to a guy without you freaking out, and then you run off with some random chick and have her suck your dick? That feels…” I pretend to think. “A bit hypocritical, don’t you think?”

Somehow my voice is calm, and honestly, I don’t even know how I’m managing it, because inside, I’m a ball of thunder andrage. “Maybe I should even the playing field…” I glare at him. “...then check back in and see how you’re feeling about it.”

I yank my arm against his grip, and he lets go. “Lux…”

“I’m tired,” I say forcefully.

Defeat flashes in his eyes and he nods, letting his hand fall limply at his side. I’m sure he knows, at this point, it’s pointless to argue his case.

His phone pings, and he glances at his phone. There’s no expression on his face, indicating what the text says, or who it could be from. I wonder if it’s Jen.

He glances back up at me and pushes out a breath. “I’ll be back later. I’ve ordered food, and it’ll be here in twenty minutes.”

I smile tightly. “Cool, thanks. Now get the fuck out.”

And for the first time since meeting him, Roman does exactly what I tell him to….

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