Page 34 of Say It Slowly

I’ve tried using Roman to get information about Bree's disappearance, but that kinda backfired. Roman isn’t easy to manipulate, and his presence in my life has only managed to complicate things a million times over.

She smoothes a strand of chestnut hair away from her face and smiles at me like she has all the answers of the universe. “You’ve just gotta play it cool. Listen, your status as Roman’s consort affords youa tonof opportunities on this campus. You’re a part of the ruling class. Don’t fight against it.Use it.”

I push out a breath, and plop onto the edge of Roman’s bed. “It’s not that simple. The dynamic between Roman and me is…complicated, and I can’t just switch that off.”

I know for a fact that if I give into Roman, and all of his demands, he will consume me entirely. The fight in me is the only thing keeping my head above water when it comes to him.

She clicks her tongue. “See that’s where you’re confused. You don’t need to turn it off, you need tolean intothat dynamic between the two of you.” She stands up, and walks to the door. “Trust me, guys really are simple creatures. If you can give Roman what he needs, then I swear to you, he’ll be eating out of your hands. You just have to figure out what that need is. ‘Know thy enemy,’ and all that…”

My thoughts flash back to the car, to that look of shock and satisfaction on his face when I had him by the throat.

“Anyway, I just came up to check on you,” she says before leaving. “Enjoy your new digs. They’re pretty sweet.”

As soon as she’s gone, I push out a sigh, and lay back on the mattress, staring up at the ornate plaster molding on the ceiling. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should stop fighting this thing between Roman and me. But then again, there are things about me Wyn doesn’t know. Reasons why I resist Roman’s control. There’s just something in me thatcan’tsubmit to him. Not completely.

But maybe she has a point.Know thy enemy.

Isn’t that the famous quote by Sun Tzu from The Art of War? Not just compelling words. Fuckingfacts.Especially in this town.

Freshly energized, I get up off the bed, and move around Roman’s massive bedroom. I hadn’t really taken it all in before, but now I see it with new eyes. One entire wall is just built in bookshelves, filled from floor to ceiling with gold-embossed spines.

I remove a book from the shelf,The History of the World.It’s a leather hardback with gilding around the edges—it looks old, and very expensive.

I gather the book against my chest, and move to Roman’s desk, which is tucked into its own little alcove. The surface is covered with piles of paper, a laptop, and about a dozen empty energy drink cans. I sift through the papers—assignments from his various Computer Science classes, which I find interesting, because it indicates he’s actually doingsomework, at least. He’s not just coasting on his family’s legacy—not entirely, at least.

A bright pink sticky note catches my eye. It’s half-buried under a bunch of class notes.

FCJ. 984321.

What is this? It might be nothing, but it snags my curiosity. I open the book and shove the note inside, moving along. I look under his bed, inside his closet, inside his dresser, and it’s all just boring boy stuff. No pictures, no personal journals, nothing interesting, or particularly telling, except that he wears boxers—which I already knew—and has an unreasonable number of flip flops.

I walk over to my backpack and pull my laptop out, then plant myself on his bed with the sticky note. Let’s see what FCJ means. Maybe it can help solve the complex puzzle that is Roman Rush.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Roman

After droppingLux off at the house, I make the four-hour drive to see my brother. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him, and I feel guilty about that, but with school, and Lux…time had gotten away from me.

But after what just happened with Lux…I’m fuckingshook,and I need someone to talk to about it.

On the long, lonely drive up to central California, my thoughts drift to Lux. The way she moves, the sounds she makes when she comes, and that snapping fire in her eyes when she looks at me; all of the details that mix and collide to make her unique.

This girl has me in my head, and I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality. All I can think about isher,and when I found out she was with Ash, the white-hot anger that rushed through me was terrifying. It’s good Ash wasn’t anywhere nearby, because I honestly don’t know what I would have done to him.

I can try and tell myself that my feelings for Lux exist only in the vacuum of my plan, and everything that’s at stake. But deepdown, I know that’s not true. It’s something more. Something deeper swirling between us. And I have no fucking clue what to do with that.

Whatever this is between us, I can’t allow it, though. I can’t give into it. I have to get shit back on track, and that’s where my brother comes in. He’ll give me the clarity I need to get this shit done.

When I pull up to the jail, I check in, and wait for the guards to bring my brother into the visiting area. It’s just a bunch of tables with metal chairs, cold, impersonal. Institutional.

My chest physically aches when I see James being brought in. I hear the chains first—then see him clad in gray and white stripes being led in by three guards. Why three? Fuck, you’d think he was a serial killer.

Anger rises in my chest. He doesn’t belong here. He doesn’t deserve this. My gaze shifts to my lap, and I suddenly remembered why I haven’t been here in a while. Seeing my brother like this, chained up like a dog, is too painful to see.

Guilt swamps me again, but this time, the feeling has sharp edges, and cuts into me.

I’m such a selfish bastard. I’ve been avoiding him, abandoning him to this God forsaken place because it’s painful forme.Meanwhile, I’ve been living my life, enjoying my freedom.

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