Page 31 of Say It Slowly

The window lowers, and Roman leans over the passenger seat to talk to me. “Get in.”

I don’t move. I don’t even look at him. I just continue to press the “cross” button and stare at the bright red light ahead.

Turn green. Turn green. Turn green.

“Lux.” I can hear the impatience in his voice, but he’s trying to contain it. “Get in the car,please.”

Wow, he actually used the wordplease. I’m sure that’s a first. My eyes shift to him. “Why would I do that?”

He straightens and slings his arm over the steering wheel, staring straight ahead like he’s trying to gather every ounce of control he has. “We need to talk.”

I shake my head. He’s a manipulator. That’s all he is, and I’m sure that’s all he’ll ever be. The idea that we could have a civil conversation at this point is laughable.

“I’m done talking,” I say. “Andfucking, by the way.”

Just thought I’d throw that last bit in for clarity.

He opens the driver’s side door, just as the light turns green. He gets out and starts walking toward me. Traffic is building up behind him, but he doesn’t seem to care.

I try to walk around his car to cross the street, but he intercepts me. Curling his large hands around my upper arms, he pulls me to a stop.

“Lux,please.” he looks me dead in the eye. “I’m sorry.”

The sincerity in his voice disarms me, and I just stare at him for a second, shocked that he’d even apologize. Not that I believe him, but still. The actual words coming out of his mouth are something I thought I’d never hear. Cars start honking, providing a chaotic chorus to this little moment that we’re having in the middle of the street.

I push out a breath, and say, “Fine. Whatever.”

If he thinks he’s won me over with one “I’m sorry,” then he’s got another thing coming. But I know getting into his car is the only way we can end this embarrassing scene, so I give in. He opens my door, then walks around and slips into the driver’s seat. The light is already red again when we peel off at lightning speed.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

Hand slung over the steering wheel, he looks like the king of his domain. He always looks like that. Wherever he is, he looks comfortable and confident. But in the car, I’ve noticed, he has an ease about him that looks more natural, like it’s just him and me, and he knows he doesn’t have to put on a show.

“Why did you do it?” he asks, his voice tight.

I swallow. I have a feeling I know what he’s talking about, but I still play dumb. “What are you talking about?”

The edge of his lip curls up in a sardonic smile. “I think you know what. You and Ash were together at the coffee shop.” He looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t. I wonder if we were spotted at the beach, too, and he’s waiting for me to admit it.

I shrug. “And?”

He pushes out a breath and shakes his head like he’s just barely holding back his anger. It's entertaining to watch, actually, and I wonder just how far I can push him. “I told you I don’t want you alone with a guy, especiallyhim.”

I glance out of my window and watch the Pacific Ocean slip by. “You tell me a lot of things, Roman. And I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t hear evenhalfof it, so you might as well stop talking.”

The car jerks abruptly to the right as he pulls off into a lookout spot on the side of the road. He cuts the engine and turns to face me. “You need to stop fighting this, Lux.”

He’s looking at me like he wants to either fuck me or rip me apart. Maybe he wants both.Iwant both. And he’s right. It’d be so much easier on us both if I could just give in to him and surrender. Lux from a year ago might have done that. But too much has happened to me. Too many boundaries were crossed for me to ever trust like that again.

When I speak, my voice is small, “I can’t.”

He slams his hand on the steering wheel, then pulls that same hand down his face. “What the fuck am I going to do with you?”

The answer to that is obvious. “Leave me alone,” I say. “Pick someone else. I’m sure there are other girls—”

He comes at me so quickly, I don’t even have time to register what’s happening. His mouth slams into mine, and he palms mybreast, squeezing. His tongue pushes into my mouth, stealing the breath from my lungs. I don’t even try to shove him off me, because, despite everything, I want this. I need this.

God,I’m so fucked in the head.

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