Page 81 of Rescuing Ryder

“I don’t know. One day, she asked me to put stuff together. The woman’s brilliant yet can’t figure out how to use a screwdriver. The next thing I knew, she asked me to play a trust exercise, and I freaking lost my shit. Then I kissed her on the jogging path,” he blurted.

Tex chuckled. “You like her, huh?”

“I do. It scares the hell out of me,” Ryder confessed as he searched for the woman in question.

“Did you tell her?” Tex questioned.

“No. She’s worried about how it will affect my healing process. I don’t understand because I’m seeing Dr. Hill. Nothing occurred between us until I transferred.”

“Ryder, did you sleep with her?” Tex shook his head. “I can tell you’ve changed. You appear happy. Did she cause this change in you? I’m not one to chastise you for sleeping with a woman, but from her point of view, she might worry about her career. If things go awry, Claire may worry that her actions caused you to slide backward. It’s a risk.”

Ryder sighed. Frustration ran through him. His heart pounded in his chest at Tex’s reaction. “It’s not like that. I can’t explain. She made me feel again. I’ve stayed numb since theday Gunner died in my arms. I’ve taken the pills and done what everyone ordered me to do. Claire gave me choices. She makes me laugh, lives in this Godawful pink house, and beams at it whenever she pulls into the driveway. When Kilner attacked her, Claire refused to let me go until they sedated her. Something changed inside me.”

“I can tell. What do you plan to do when you return home? I’m assuming you’ll continue to stay on the mountain for a while longer. What then?”

“I don’t know. I can’t be responsible for other people, not for another team, Claire, or Gunner.” Ryder swiped his hand through his hair, feeling stressed by Tex’s line of questioning.

“Gunner isn’t here anymore, Ryder. He died almost two years ago. What would he advise you to do if he sat here? We pulled in to find you holding a baby and smiling. Did you stop to think of what you wanted for your future? Gunner didn’t ask you to live his life; he said to live a life worthy of them. He wanted you happy.”

“Why? I don’t deserve happiness while Patty and his kids still mourn him. It’s not fair, Tex.”

“None of it’s fair, damn it. If life were fair, don’t you think I’d have two legs? My daughter might have her arm. These kids would all reside in happy homes, and the veterans would never need a place like this. When did you find fairness in war? Wake up, Ryder. You can feel and I’m damn proud of you for putting in the work. But what good does it do you if you don’t practice with the tools given to you?”

Melody sent a worried glance their way. Ryder pinched his nose, refusing to understand why Tex believed he deserved a life of sunshine and roses while his brothers never got the choice. Did he understand Ryder no longer needed to stare at a wall and worry about how to distribute his meager belongings?

Ryder stood and stared down at his friend. “Thank you for coming. Whether you want to hear it or not, I’m grateful. You no longer need to worry about me.”

Tex shook his head. “Ryder. Listen?—”

“Thanks, Tex. For everything.”

Ryder walked toward his cabin, no longer in the mood for the celebration.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

Claire searched for Ryder during the Halloween party. Kassie coaxed Tex and his family to join them. She smiled as she watched Akilah explain her arm prosthesis to a curious Sara. She felt that before the night ended, Sara might request to talk to the therapist about a prosthesis and take the next step.

She ushered a few teens out of darkened corners. Leo mouthed thank you to her as she passed him, as he glanced at Melody. It took her longer than expected to get the tangled sucker from Melody’s hair and she missed speaking with Ryder’s friend, Tex and his family.

Kassie approached. She, Emma, and Tori wore matching pumpkin outfits, appearing as adorable as ever. Claire longed to experience the happiness she saw in her friend one day.

“Your shift ended. Now Ivan’s men will take over babysitting. I pity the teens caught by his men. Do you want to join us?” Kassie asked.

“Thank you. I came up with Bryanna early this morning and I’m bushed. I’ll head home with Jake and Carol,” Claire explained.

Kassie nodded. “Claire, Leo informed me they offered Ryder the corpsman position for Team Hawk. He turned it down thisafternoon. Do you know why? Whiskey talked to him, and I wondered if he had spoken with you about it.”

Claire shrugged her shoulders. “The last time I saw Ryder, he was speaking with Tex. He doesn’t like to talk to me about the serious stuff.”

“I received a message from him around dinner time. Ryder asked me to set up transportation home for Monday. I plan to stop by the cabin tonight. If he isn’t there, I’ll reach out to him tomorrow. I wanted you to know.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Claire murmured, shocked.

Kassie returned to her family. Claire caught up with Jake and asked for a ride to the cabin. She knocked on Ryder’s door, but he didn’t answer. Her heart raced as she wondered where he stayed all day.

Claire returned to Jake and Carol’s car and they dropped her off at home. She unlocked the door and punched in the code to the alarm. Feeling along the wall, she turned on the lamp in the hall. Slipping off her shoes, she went into the kitchen and put on water for a cup of tea. She entered her office, pulled out the hidden file, and returned to the living room. She sat before the fire and sipped her tea while she opened the folder.

“You’re breaking the rules again,” Ryder’s voice came from the hall.

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