Page 66 of Loving Lizzy

Lizzy scannedthe room once more. Michael’s question felt loaded. He wasn’t referring to only this moment. Her heart raced, her hands suddenly felt sweaty as she glanced in the direction of the bed and the candles placed around the room.

She bit her bottom lip as her hand met his. He led her to the bed, backed her up until her knees hit the edge, and she sat down. Her back sat ramrod straight and she tensed when Michael lowered himself to his knees. He smiled and stroked her hand gently until she realized he waited for her breathing to slow before proceeding.

“I didn’t tell you the truth about working at the hospital. Part of your recovery requires lymphatic massage. I know you’ve visited Candi for a few sessions. Kassie helped me find an instructor and I can do them for you now.”

Lizzy’s eyes rounded in surprise at his statement. All this time, she thought he went to help the kids and he spent it doing something for her.

“Lymphatic massage requires a certification. I appreciate the gesture, but Candi is certified,” she told him. Part of Lizzy’s job at the hospital involved ensuring everyone’s license stayed up to date and ongoing training enforced.

“I know. Thanks to Kassie, I’m now certified,” he informed her.

“There’s class instruction, clinical instruction, exams and the state must send you a certificate,” she rattled off her knowledge of how things worked.

He grinned. “Done, done, and done. It’s hanging in my office, Ms. Jacobson. If you need to see it, I’ll ask one of the staff to take a picture if you need proof, he teased.

“Why?” she asked breathlessly.

“To provide therapy for you, and I’ll be available at all hours compared to Candi. Will you let me show you what I’ve learned?” He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles.

Lizzy massaged her temple as her mind raced. She’ll have to undress. What if it sickened him to see the scars? What if he found her unappealing? Butterflies hit her stomach and she opened her mouth, ready to refuse him.

Michael’s hand shifted to the bed, and he held up a sheet. “I’ll hold this up and cover you until you feel safe with sharing yourself with me. I understand your misgivings and I want you to know it’s only us. You’re safe with me and no matter what, I love you because you’re beautiful inside and out. One of these days, I hope if I tell you enough, you’ll finally see yourself as I do.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she fought with herself. Remembering the days he’d returned home appearing exhausted and he still cared for her, she knew she needed to meet him halfway.

“I can use the sheet?”

“Yes, sweetheart, we’ll work this out on your time. Remove your clothes and I’ll hold it up. When you’re lying down, I’ll cover you and won’t look until you’re ready,” he explained.

She nodded and began removing her socks. Standing to undo her jeans, she slid them and her underthings to the floor. She shakily sat on the edge of the bed and glanced up to make sure the thin layer between them stayed firmly in place. True to his word, Michael held it high as he waited patiently. She slowly unbuttoned her sweater and let it join her other clothing. She grabbed the middle of the fabric as fast as possible and clutched it to her chest.

Michael appeared nonchalant as she settled herself on the bed and gripped the sheet as if he planned to jerk it away at any moment. When he went around the edges and adjusted it to cover her better in other areas, she slightly relaxed her hold. Michael went to the bathroom to wash his hands. When he returned, he held out a rubber band to pull her hair back from her shoulders and chest.

“Kassie left you headbands, barrettes and clips,” he told her as he gently pulled the hair back. He put oil on his hand and rubbed his hands together to warm it. When he turned toward her, he stopped. “Take a breath, Lizzy.” She watched as he placed a hand on her chest above her collarbone. The vanilla scent of the oil wafted to her nose, and she began to breathe to the rhythm of his chest going up and down. “Close your eyes, baby.”

She let her eyelids fall, putting all her trust in him to keep her safe. His hands lay on her belly, the warmth sinking through the sheet. The sound of his steady breathing, as his hands moved to various parts of her body, the heat of the blanket under her, began to soothe her aching body. Her body melted into a puddle of goo as he quietly went about the massage. Her muscles relaxed and for the first time in a long time she allowed Michael to guide her through the storm.

* * *

Michael gavehimself a high five as he observed Lizzy relax. Her head lolled to the side and a soft sigh escaped her as he gently rubbed her. By the time he finished, her breathing slowed, and her eyes stayed shut. He pulled the blankets over her, washed his hands, and climbed onto his side of the bed. He pulled out his e-reader and read, letting her rest a bit. When she woke, he intended to have her go to the bathroom and drink the water he refilled in her water bottle. For now, he reveled in the fact he convinced her to trust him.

He let his thoughts stray to when they’d first married. Every week, Michael did the grocery shopping. On the weekends, Lizzy prepared and prepped meals for the week. It worked sufficiently with their hectic schedules. At the time he didn’t think he missed out on meals with her as he shoveled chow in his mouth, showered, and climbed into bed next to his wife. Only to find her gone by morning and he began the day again. They lost sight of their priorities. Since the move, he enjoyed planning their new home with her, eating meals, and even caring for her. It brought him joy that something as small as a massage gave her a restful slumber free of aches and pain. His hands moved toward the lock of hair he tied out of his way. He didn’t care how she wore it, or decided not to wear a wig at all, but he loved how the length framed her heart shaped face and the dark color made her eyes stand out even more. Maybe she’d grow it out long after she completed chemo. He wanted to ask her thoughts on her new hairstyle.

His gaze turned sad when it lowered to her chest. He didn’t mourn her breasts, but the pain she endured physically and emotionally because of the cancer. Wishing he could take the pain himself and free her from all she went through. If she only knew what she did to him when she laughed or figured out how to organize his office to make his life easier. Her intelligence astounded him when she took on new projects and knew exactly how to handle each one. Chase’s hospital benefited with her at the helm. His pride in his wife felt overwhelming.

* * *

Lizzy openedher eyes and smiled lazily at him.

“I fell asleep, thanks to your magical hands. What time is it?” She rose to search for her phone.

“It’s around twenty-one hundred. You appeared peaceful and I decided not to bother you. Since you’re awake, it’s important to use the bathroom and drink plenty of water.”

“I’ll do it now.” She raised up and clutched the sheet to her. Glancing behind her to see if Michael watched. He seemed absorbed in reading, and she padded to the bathroom and closed the door. When she finished, she washed her hands and tucked the sheet around her as she climbed into the bed. He handed her the pink water bottle.

“I’ll head to the kitchen if you want to change,” he told her quietly as he slipped from the bed. He turned on the light on his bedside table and blew out the candles, leaving a soft glow about the room.

Lizzy removed the electric blanket and sipped her water. The evening felt intimate in ways she couldn’t explain. From the moment she realized everyone had left and Michael picked her up and held her, she never felt closer to him. Was it because she let down her guard and truly trusted him to love her unconditionally? Lately, it felt like he gave her everything and she offered nothing in return. He made the meals, washed the laundry, and even cleaned. The women went around the house doing things here and there. Her heart melted at how hard Michael must’ve worked to get certified. Even she knew the act went far above and beyond what spouses did to support their other half.

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