Page 12 of Loving Lizzy

“We can slow it down. I can make a phone call. Everyone will understand,” he told her.

“No. It’s better than sitting and waiting.” She slid off the stool and grabbed her purse. “Can we go to Pike Place? I want some clam chowder and popcorn. Then we can drive to the house and choose the items you want to take. We’ll grab take-out from the deli around the block and bring it to my place. Then we can decide on my stuff.”

“Sounds like a great idea.” Michael followed Lizzy out the front door. She laid out the entire plan for the day but refused to discuss anything to do with the upcoming surgery or go over any questions. Why did alarm bells go off in his head? Did his own insecurities cause him to overthink her actions?

CHAPTER SEVEN

Lizzy hurriedly dressed before Michael woke up. She pulled on her leggings. She stared at her reflection in the mirror as she fixed her bra straps. Her fingers traced the swell of her breast. In two days, they would be cut off and leaving only scar tissue and a flat chest. She closed her eyes, shutting away the pain of what she was preparing herself to lose. She read the pamphlets, which assured her that what she experienced was normal. Yet, as she gazed at her image, her memory conjured up the special moments when she breastfed Conner. The connection to him never felt stronger than when she rocked and sang to him as he nursed.

She kept Michael at a distance. She laughed at how stupidly she worried over him seeing the lumpectomy scar and admitting to him she’d already battled breast cancer alone. Time ticked away and she struggled with making love to him. She longed for the connection between them. If she made love to him now, would he feel revolted when she came home in a couple of days with a flat chest, scars, and drainage tubes? She swiped away the tears running down her cheek. She didn’t want Michael or their friends to know how scared she truly felt. Part of what made her a woman would be cut away and gone forever. She considered reconstruction surgery. After reading the information and secretly meeting with the plastic surgeon without Michael, she decided against it. She wanted it over with.

A knock at the door startled her.

“Lizzy? You’ve stayed in there a while. Do you feel okay?” he softly asked.

She pulled on her shirt, grabbed the washcloth and swiped her face clean. “Yeah, I’m almost finished, I’ll be out in a sec.” She heard Michael hesitate before walking away from the door. She practiced the smile she used when people inquired about her health. They didn’t need to spend time worrying about her. She went through this alone before and came out on the other side. Michael remained her main concern. She needed to stay brave for him. They already lost too much, and she’d already hurt him once. He didn’t have to carry the burden of her fears and worries.

With one last check in the mirror, she left the bathroom and walked into the kitchen. Setting a plate in front of her with half a bagel with peanut butter and a side of fresh fruit, he poured himself a cup of coffee and handed her one.

“Thank you. What time will everyone arrive?” she asked.

“They’ll be here in about thirty minutes. Victoria and Ivan flew in last night and will join the team. Maddie and Carol stayed behind to make lunch and watch the kids. Edie’s flight lands at fourteen hundred and Samantha’s at fourteen hundred thirty. Saint will pick them up and bring them to the mountain. Kassie arranged for Ty to cater dinner at the new house, and he gave her a rundown on the schedule for the day.”

“Why are Samantha and Edie flying in? This isn’t her usual visitation week, and Samantha has started a new job. She can’t spend time traipsing across the country,” Lizzy told him, annoyed.

“Hey. They want to support you,” he gently reminded her.

She rolled her eyes. “I have breast cancer. It’s not a cheerleading sport. I’ll go to the hospital, they’ll cut off my boobs and I’ll be home by late afternoon. No fuss, no muss. I don’t want people hovering and making a big deal out of it.”

Michael’s fork slammed down on the counter. His hands gripped the counter’s edge. His jaw ticked as his chest heaved heavily up and down.

“Youare a big deal, not the cancer. They moved heaven and earth to make this move as painless as possible for both of us. Those women didn’t even flinch at rearranging their schedules to support you. It sounds as if you bought a crystal ball and already know your fate. Please share it with me Lizzy, cause I’m going out of my mind. When did you plan on telling me you visited the plastic surgeon? Oh, let me guess, no muss no fuss. You may not be my wife because a piece of paper says we’re divorced, but I don’t feel that way. You’re mine, and I can’t stand here and pretend your avoidance on this topic doesn’t bother me. Damn it, I promised not to make this harder for you.” Michael swept his hand over his chin as if he was trying to stop the words coming from his mouth. “I love you, Lizzy Bee. Don’t act like this isn’t a big deal because you’re the only thing in my life I’m afraid of losing,” he whispered.

Lizzy sucked in her breath. She walked toward Michael and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her head rested on his chest. She closed her eyes and listened to his furiously beating heart slow the longer she held him. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you about the visit. It’s hard getting used to fending for yourself and all of a sudden acquiring support from every direction. I love you, too. I hope you know how much,” she softly told him.

“Please don’t run. God, Lizzy, promise me you won’t take off again. No matter what happens, we’ll handle it together.” His arms wrapped around her, holding her tight.

“I won’t, you have my word. Last time, the loss of Conner and your captivity clouded my judgment. You deserved to know why I left abruptly,” she told him.

Michael lifted her chin with his thumb. “I don’t give a shit why you left. You’re here now. You say we’re together but won’t let me share your burden. Why the secrecy about the appointment? Do you feel I’ll influence you one way over another? Are you second guessing the move or us?” His eyes scanned her face for any reaction indicating she changed her mind.

Lizzy took his wrist and met his gaze. “I didn’t realize I caused you so much worry. Honestly, I didn’t want you to be there for the consultation. Not because my feelings changed, I needed to go by myself. It doesn’t excuse the fact I should’ve told you.”

Michael kissed her forehead. “Eat your breakfast. Our friends will show up soon,” he prompted. “Did the hospital call to give you a check-in time tomorrow?”

“Not yet, but I’ll keep you posted.” She bit into her bagel and chewed as she watched him place the peanut butter back in the packing box. He washed the utensils and dropped them inside the donation pile.

The doorbell rang as if on cue. Michael gave her a brief smile of reassurance as he left the room. She noticed the faint lines of worry around his eyes and longed to soothe them away. Hopefully, after tomorrow, both of them will breathe easier.

Kassie carried in tape, markers, and scissors. Bryanna brought a basket of snacks, and a cooler of drinks. To her surprise Catherine showed up holding a roll of paper towels.

“Don’t you work today?” Lizzy asked.

“No. Leo decided I didn’t need to help,” she scowled and held up the offending object. “According to Mr. Bossy, this represents the heaviest thing I can carry or lift. I swear if he reads another book or watches another series on childbirth I’ll strangle him. Do you know what he did?” She didn’t stop to allow anyone to answer. “My frenzied hormones decided to stay on two settings: food and sex. We spent an entire night alone and enjoyed a wonderful meal at Ty’s. We returned home and I went on the attack. We get all hot and heavy if you know what I mean, and he stops smack in the middle of the moment to research whether or not sex hurts the baby. Apparently, SEALs get trained in all sorts of things except common sense. I assured him he couldn’t hurt it because it was nestled in amniotic fluid. The next thing I know, he’s worried his pecker will puncture the sack. Don’t get me wrong, my husband’s packing, but even he has limits.”

The women burst into laughter.

He walked into the room carrying an armful of boxes. “What’s so funny?” It sent the ladies into another round of giggles.

---