Page 42 of Loving Lizzy

Leaning down, he kissed her forehead as his arms went around her in a tight hug. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

“I’m relieved the wait is over. Please text Kassie and thank her for pulling strings for us. She can let everyone know the results while we pack up and return home. I’m ready to sleep in my own bed again,” Lizzy told him as she pulled the covers back to start dressing.

“Stay put, you know it’ll take a while for the discharge paperwork. Why don’t you take a nap? I’ll wake you when we get out of here and help you dress.” Michael pulled the covers back over her and she closed her eyes. Within minutes, she fell asleep. Michael laid his head on the bed rail and whispered his gratefulness for something going their way. Hopefully, the rest of her battle went as smoothly as the scan.

* * *

Five weeks had passedsince her hospital stay. The women of Serenity cared for Lizzy’s physical needs while he handled her emotional ones when she let him. Even though she healed, she didn’t offer to let him sleep in their room. Another thing she drew the invisible line on. Dr. Brady removed the drainage tubes weeks prior, and Lizzy refused to allow him to go with her to the appointment. When they spent the evenings together, she rarely struck up a conversation, preferring to read or browse on her computer. Once she started moving around more easily, she insisted on less help from him. After today's appointment, they planned to meet Kassie for his apology dessert.

“Did you want to grab lunch in Seattle before coming home? Kassie texted that she may run a few minutes late. She’s admitting a new teen to the ward.” Michael pulled his clothes for the day from the master closet, refusing to delegate them to the other room.

“I prefer to come home. We still have a freezer full of food. Even with the gang no longer bringing anything, I think we’re stocked for two more months.” Lizzy called from the bathroom as she leaned into the mirror to apply lipstick.

Michael didn’t bother to point out the food might come in handy over the next few weeks as she started chemo.

“I’m ready to go whenever you are,” she announced as she came out and grabbed her sweater, not bothering to turn in his direction.

Slightly annoyed by her actions, he left the room. The gulf between them grew wider, and he struggled to find a cause. He’d spent the last few weeks showing her his new office. They visited Chase’s hospital and walked the winding paths until she tired. Knowing the cancer weighed heavily on her mind, he tried not to take her coolness to heart and gave her time alone to sort her thoughts by running a few errands.

Lizzy followed him to the car and slid into the passenger seat, holding her pillow. When he started the car and drove toward Seattle, she finally spoke.

“Since this appointment is a follow-up, if you want to run errands or visit your old office, I can go alone.”

Michael bit his tongue to keep from lashing out. “Nope, I’m all yours today. I cleared my schedule for you and then later, Kassie, for her apology dessert. You women are serious about your chocolate. Chase told me she already called Ty’s to ensure he made enough for us.”

She smiled. “I think she’s going through hormonal cravings. Bryanna says she polished off four scones yesterday. I feel bad for her. She’s trying to stay strong during this infertility journey. Her emotions run all over the place. Will Chase join us this afternoon?”

“He’s working and promised Emma a horseback ride this afternoon. The mountain’s starting to show signs of spring and he promised her they’d collect things from nature for a school project.”

“He’s a great dad.” She gazed out the window.

“Speaking of becoming a dad, Dr. Safder mentioned fertility preservation. Did you want to discuss it?” He picked up her hand and she pulled it away and dropped it in her lap.

“I’ve given it some thought. I’ve experienced pregnancy. I love kids and thought I wanted them. After losing Conner, I don’t think I want to spend the first year of my child’s life hovering over the crib. I did everything by the book, Michael, and I still didn’t save him.” Lizzy bowed her head.

Michael pulled her hand from her lap and squeezed it. “I can’t imagine how traumatizing finding Conner must’ve felt for you. You lived in foster homes, and I’ve seen enough abused children to know there’s plenty to adopt and give a safe and loving home. Can we consider adoption?”

“Why don’t we get through this first before we leap to kids? I haven’t started chemo yet. I don’t feel an urge, like Kassie, to get pregnant. Freezing my eggs doesn’t feel like a priority at this stage. I don’t feel any sense of urgency to discover more about the procedure or experience another pregnancy.”

Michael nodded. Her confession spoke more about her than anything she’d discussed with him in weeks. Something churned in his gut about the way she didn’t include him or ask how he felt about the situation. If they decided to have kids naturally, he didn’t mind adopting a couple more.

“Michael, I don’t want you to come in until after the exam,” Lizzy quietly told him. “You’re determined to go with me today, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

He sighed, knowing she didn’t want him to see her. He read enough about women feeling a loss after a mastectomy and a fear of allowing their partners to see them afterward. Even after researching it, he didn’t consider Lizzy in the same category. Didn’t she know he loved her unconditionally?

“Fine, I’ll drop you off for the appointment and I’ll find something to do,” his voice came out curter than he intended.

“Now you’re mad,” she told him sadly.

“I’m not upset. I’ve read it takes women a while to adjust to their new body and I want to reassure you, but my words won’t mean anything to you. We’ll work on your schedule,” he told her confidently.

“You’ve read?’

“Yes, I’m not an expert by any means. But I want to know how to support you the best way I can.” Michael pulled the car into the parking garage and shut the engine off.

“I don’t want you to sacrifice everything you want in life to make me happy. Kids mean a lot to you, and even if you feel this way now, what about down the road?”

Michael turned her chin with his fingers. “Because loving you, Lizzy Bee, makes me the happiest man alive. Children, biologically or adopted to share with you, will be icing on the cake.”

---