Page 11 of Securing Samantha

“Yes, I’ve attended three sessions a week since you gave me the information,” Samantha stated.

“Whiskey, besides the team, have you attended the sessions in Seattle?” Claire turned to face him.

Whiskey guiltily stared at the floor. “Crowds bother me,” he made the excuse.

“I know, the group I recommended only holds four people at a time. Leo agreed to attend with you for support,” she explained.

“What about a service dog? I read they help veterans with PTSD. I know Chase plans to start a program here on the mountain.” Samantha obviously did some homework.

“Service dogs do have a place. They work wonders. Whiskey and I discussed the idea. He’s not sure if he can handle a dog because of the camps he stayed in. The dogs barked constantly,” Claire explained.

“Is Whiskey sure of anything?” Samantha half demanded, half questioned.

“I hear your frustration, Samantha. I can’t give you a time limit or a cure by date. This process remains long and arduous,” Claire sympathized.

“I’m not asking for a date. I want to know when he’s required to try anything. He doesn’t attend meetings, doesn’t want to meet his son, let his parents know he’s alive, and he stays in the cabin and only comes out for meetings. How will he heal if he doesn’t want to?” Samantha faced Claire, but she clearly posed the question to him.

“I leave the cabin. I walk daily with Doc. I go to the new team facility with the guys,” he informed her.

Samantha’s head turned stiffly in his direction. She focused on the wall behind him.

“You only have an issue with me and your son, then?” she gritted out.

Whiskey cursed under his breath. “No. I don’t have any problems, I’m doing the best I can,” he sighed.

“Samantha, do you want a private session to work out your feelings?” Claire offered.

Samantha shook her head. “I struggle trying to stay patient. I guess I feel like he’s safely nestled in a cocoon, and we work around him. If I saw any effort on his part maybe my feelings would change. We can’t even make it through a half hour coffee break alone, much less expecting him to attend a family dinner. We’re chaperoned at all our meetings. I feel like I did this to him. I caused the trauma.” Tears fell from her cheeks.

“Lass, you did nothing. It’s on me. I’m trying,” Whiskey soothed.

“Are you? I don’t feel it. We’ve always done everything together, we agreed to work things out as a team. We were happy,” her voice faltered.

“Damn it. This is why I didn’t want you to know I stayed on the mountain. Now I’m pressured to feel a certain way or act like I give a damn. Kassie kept this from you because I begged her to. I knew you’d struggle accepting me this way,” he gritted out.

“I don’t mind different. Liam, I’ll work with you. We aren’t asking you to move in with us. I want to know you want this too,” she stressed.

Whiskey jumped from his chair. Trying? He tried every day. To get out of bed, to dress and shave in front of the mirror which reminded him how less of a man he had become. He forced himself to walk outside. It took everything in him to make it through the day. Now she accused him of not trying.

“Stop calling me Liam. He doesn’t exist anymore. He died in Rahimi’s camp. Do you understand? I’ll never be the man you married,” he spat as he paced the office.

“Whiskey, take a deep breath. In and out, like we practiced,” Claire reminded him in a soothing tone.

“I can’t breathe, don’t you get it? She stifles me. She wants me to pretend to be someone who’s dead. I have nightmares, scars, and don’t want to hang around people. The man she wants doesn’t exist and the sooner she understands it, the better.”

“You’re more than you give yourself credit for. Liam, please. I apologize if I sound impatient. We never talk. The only time we see each other is during counseling appointments. I know you’ve changed but how will I ever get to know you if you don’t at least try to meet me halfway? I want to help you heal,” she pleaded.

“Ahhh” Whiskey gripped his hair. “I don’t want or need you to help me. Do you think I want you to see me like this? I can barely walk up to the hospital and back. I’m weak. I don’t sleep. I worry all the time if everyone would’ve been better off if Leo left me there.”

Silence filled Claire’s office.

Samantha shook her head, “Don’t you ever say it again. We have a second chance, Liam. I never thought I’d see you again.”

“Stop calling me, Liam. My name’s Whiskey. Do you hear me? This isn’t a second chance, woman. It’s a nightmare.”

Claire stood. Her hand touched Samantha’s shoulder. “Maybe we need to stop here. Why don’t you go on ahead and I’ll stop by later,” she assured her.

Samantha swallowed the knot in her throat as she slowly stood, grabbed her coat and left the office. Letting another woman comfort her husband again.

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