Page 53 of Securing Samantha

“You couldn’t even share a cup of tea with me. You decided to make an effort with your son, and I’ve no doubts you’ll treat him right. As far as I’m concerned, my Liam died the day of the explosion. He doesn’t exist. It’s not the scars, PTSD, or how you feel. It’s about how you pushed me away. You allowed other women to provide comfort to you while I endured accusations that I suffocated you. I didn’t know you. Well, guess what, Whiskey? The woman you knew as Samantha died the day she found out her Liam was gone forever. I changed because I needed to raise your son. I still lived. Not the way I wanted but I did it. I woke up every damn day and held your picture on the side of my bed. I envisioned us dancing in the kitchen. I never expected you to remain the same man after all you endured. But I never expected you to find solace in Claire, Kassie or a complete stranger in a bar.”

“I dinna sleep with her, I went to the bar?—”

She jumped from the bed. Her hair spun down her shoulders. Even in the dim light he felt the fury radiating from her eyes.

“I don’t want to hear your excuses. You shoved me aside as if I meant nothing. Nothing, Liam,” she sobbed.

Whiskey rose from the bed and came around to where she stood.

“Lass, I’m sorry. I hurt you. I’ll spend a lifetime making it up. When we get home, you’ll see. Leo made Shadow come with me because I didn’t handle the flights home. But knowing I came to find you, I did it. You bring me more peace, woman, than I’ve felt in ages, and I’ll prove it to you every day of our lives.”

“I won’t be returning home, not now, not ever. I decided to move to New York with LJ. I’ll fly with him twice a month to visit your parents and you. I can’t watch you reject me, and then the only time you kiss me is when you discovered another man found me worthy of attention. I don’t want to feel like this any longer. I’d endure anything if it helped you heal, but I can’t endure the pain of watching you go to everyone else, including a stranger you picked up in a bar over me. Kassie encouraged you to let me in. You refused.”

“I don’t deny everything you’re saying. My head’s screwed on in all sorts of wrong ways. I doubted myself. You have to feel something, we made love, damn it. You love me,” his voice rose.

She shook her head sadly. “I loved Liam. It may sound selfish, but he made me feel worthy of his love. Liam never thought to seek comfort in someone else’s arms. He knew where to find me. I represented his light, his home, and his heart. I made love to you to say goodbye. Please go, Whiskey. I’ll bring LJ to your parents to see you. Right now, I need to figure out my life without you.”

“Damn it, lass. I’ll prove to you…” he grabbed his underclothing and pants and jerked them on while she grabbed a robe from the closet. She walked out the bedroom door.

Frustration filled him. He grabbed his shirt and shoes before following her. He saw the devastation on her face; the pain he put there. Her face crumpled as tears ran down her face. “Please, Whiskey just go.”

He tried to cup her cheek as she flinched away from him. The realization hit him. The wounds covering his body hurt far less than the pain Whiskey inflicted upon her heart.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Samantha opened the door the next morning. Shadow stood before her as LJ ran inside.

“Good morning, Mom. Whiskey says we can take Hope to the dog trainer for her first lesson when I come home.” LJ wrapped his arms around her waist for a short hug before darting off to his room.

Uncertain how Shadow felt about her as she stood there awkwardly, she slightly smiled but it came out as a grimace.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked.

Shadow stepped through the doorway.

“Want a cup of coffee?” she offered.

Shadow walked up to her, pulled her into his arms, and held her. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she clung to him, sobbing. All the hurt, anxiety, and anguish flooded her system at his quiet and kind gesture.

“How is he?” she hiccuped.

“About the same as you,” he responded.

She nodded and stepped away from Shadow and wiped her eyes.

“I know you must think I’m awful.” She rubbed her forehead, trying to soothe the headache throbbing because she spent the rest of last night crying after Whiskey left.

“No. I think you’re a loyal, faithful, wonderful woman who went through hell and needed a bit of peace. I don’t know if you’ll find it here, but I wish you the best,” Shadow told her.

She nodded.

“Whiskey told me what happened last night. If it’s any consolation, he never slept with the woman from the bar. He tried to prove to himself he could push through all this without the endless counseling, and us hovering,” Shadow explained.

“He pulled a stranger into his arms and held her. I saw him kiss her. While I waited in the background for him to give me one sign he remembered us, Shadow,” her voice wavered.

Shadow cupped her cheek. “I know you have your doubts. Whiskey regrets some of the choices he’s made since returning. I can’t imagine how hurt you feel. I don’t take breaking a friend’s confidence lightly. But you deserve to know he went home with the woman in question and couldn’t go through with it because of you.”

Samantha grasped Shadow’s wrist. “You remember our relationship. I know he’s not the same person, but to watch him lean on everyone else for comfort…I…”

---