Page 62 of Tide Over

A sudden urge rises tofeelthis pain. To control it, use it, and escape the intense pressure building inside myself. This feeling I can’t name, but is so overpowering it drives me to act on it. The desperation grows the longer I stand here, eyes closed and fists clenched, the need to control the pain and take it into my own hands is overwhelming… the need to hurt, feel, and punish.

Before I realize what I’m doing, my feet are moving, taking me to the front deck. I look out over the ocean and wrap my hands around the railing, gripping it so tight it hurts.

Don’t… don’t…

My eyes stay glued to the water as I fight the urges growing inside me, the storm quickly picking up in intensity. Until another image pushes its way into the forefront of my mind.

Freckles scattered across cheekbones, soft brown eyes, and wild, windswept hair.

The chaos inside me settles as I keep him in my mind, taking in a deep breath and slowly blowing it out.

Theo.

He’s always here for me, and I want to be here for him.

I need to be here for him.

The pain slowly pulls away, lessening just enough so I can close my eyes to feel the sun on my face, listen to the gentle sound of water lapping the shoreline, and the seagulls calling from the air above me. My heart eventually slows its pace, and my grip loosens on the railing. It still hurts… but with Theo, I feel like I can still live. Even with the pain.

I stay here for a while longer, looking out to the ocean and wishing Theo was here with me. But because he’s not… I can’t be here alone with my thoughts.

I head back inside, pat Miss Bobber as I pass her, and grab my hoodie. I shove my feet into my sneakers and step out of the house again, getting into my truck with no plan for where I’m going.

But when I pull up in front of MacKinnon’s General Store and see Jimmy sitting on the front porch with some other men, an immediate comfort washes over me.

Jimmy smiles as I step out of my truck. “Well, hello! How’s she goin’ today?”

I give him a nod in greeting and climb the steps. “Not bad,” I say, sitting in the empty chair he gestures to.

“Working on the house again today?” he asks after the rest of the men give their greetings and return to talking about one of their boats.

I nod, leaning back in my chair. “Painting the sunroom. We finished putting up the drywall yesterday.”

Jimmy huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “I thought Theo was crazy for buying that place. The property’s something else,but the house… it was in rough shape. I haven’t seen it in a while though, sounds like it’s come a long way.”

I smile, thinking of Theo buying that run-down house, knowing he would see past the scars to what could be beautiful underneath. It’s what he does. “It really has. He’s done a good job.”

Jimmy grins. “I’d say both of you have.”

He’s pulled back into a conversation with the other men about boat motors, so I sit and listen, looking out over the water. Now that it’s May, it’s warming up quite a bit as we near noon. So I push my sleeves up and feel the warmth on my skin from the sun, falling deeper into this feeling of comfort.

The screen door bangs shut, and I turn to see a guy around my age exit the store. I’ve never seen him around town before… not that I’m out that much. But as he looks at his phone, then up and down the street in confusion, it’s obvious he’s not from here.

“Can I help you find something?” I ask, drawing his attention to me.

His eyes dart to me, then back to his phone. “I’m not getting service.”

I nod, giving him an assessing look as he seems kind of skittish and awkward. He’s wearing hiking boots and outerwear, and by the looks of the gear strapped to the roof rack on his car, he either just was, or is going, camping.

“Need directions?” I ask as he squints at his phone.

He nods tightly, glancing quickly my way before dropping his gaze again.

I gesture down the street. “Straight that way will take you to the highway.”

He looks down the street and nods again. “Thank you,” he says.

But before he can leave, Jimmy leans forward. “Coming or going? Long way from Newfoundland.”

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