Page 32 of Tide Over

Came close to changing careers entirely though.

My brows lift as I read his text, surprised that he’s offering up this information. While he’s been opening up more since we’ve started texting, he’s never shared anything this personal before.I’m not sure if I should ask any more about this, but… it feels like he’s inviting me in.

Something to do with your switch to offshore?

He’s silent again for a moment until he sends a simple text. But even with that one word, I can tell there’s an emotional weight behind it.

Yeah.

I stare at his text, feeling his sadness through the phone. There’s a reason why he left Alberta, and why he ended up here instead of Cape Breton… but I think that reason is a heavy one for him. And I’m not going to push him on it. If he ever wants to share it with me, he can.

I can always use another deckhand if the rig doesn’t work out.

He starts texting immediately, and I smile.

You paying oil money?

Better. You get lobster and sunrises. But… no dolphins.

Well, talk to me again when there are dolphins.

I chuckle, then pause, looking at the time. As much as I want to keep talking to him… it’s getting late, and 4:00AM will be here before I know it.

I’ll keep you updated. But for now, I need to get to sleep.

Same.

I send him the photo I took of Miss Bobber earlier, just like I do every night. Liam hearts it, and mine flutters.

Night.

Night.

I set my phone on the bedside table and let out a sigh as I lie back and close my eyes. But as I lie here in my quiet bedroom, listening to Miss Bobber play downstairs, I can’t get Liam out of my thoughts.

Our conversation tonight keeps replaying in my mind, and the confusion I’ve felt for so long suddenly feels overwhelming as a question lingers. Who would I be if I experienced something different?

For so long, I’ve felt disconnected from myself, as if I’m hiding a significant part of me deep down where no one can see. I never thought I was ashamed of possibly being gay, but I don’t know why I couldn’t bring myself to face it. Now, as I lie here, staring up at the night sky through the skylight in my ceiling, it’s all starting to make sense.

My life is firmly anchored to Torrin Cove, dictated by everything that has been decided for me. And I think this is why I’ve hidden so much of myself away. Because living in a tiny town where everyone knows everyone, I’m not able to explore this side of me. I don’t know anyone here who is gay, and most people my age have left. Even if I did find an opportunity to be who I truly want to be, I’m terrified that some people might not accept me. And in such a close-knit community, that wouldn’t just affect me… it would also affect my family. And now I’m realizing this fear is why I shove these feelings down, keep tomyself, and work my ass off to distract myself from wanting more.

But Liam is stirring something within me, and bringing those feelings to the surface. While I’ve dated a few girls before, I’ve never felt for them what I feel for Liam. I’ve never had this urge to be with them, to know them, to touch them… to just see them smile and be close to them. It felt like something I was supposed to do, and not something I wanted.

IwantLiam.

And right now… I want to give in.

Images of Liam flood my mind as I close my eyes again and release a breath. Heat builds within my chest as I picture his icy blue eyes, and his dark hair softly blowing in the breeze. My skin tingles as my hand slides down my abs to the waistband of my boxers, and my pulse quickens as I slip it in to grasp my hardening cock.

As I slowly stroke myself, and grow even harder, warmth spreads through my body. The edges of my mind turn hazy, as if the rest of the world is fading away, leaving just him. Liam’s eyes are locked on mine, and a soft smile plays at the corner of his lips, drawing me in even deeper.

A groan escapes me as I stroke myself faster, and my senses sharpen. I take in everything I can about him, wishing he was here so I could touch him, smell him,seehim…

“Oh, fuck,” I moan as my other hand moves to my nipple and I imagine what it would be like to have his mouth on me.

My heart is racing, and the pressure inside me is quickly building, begging for a release. But I want more. I need more. I needhim.

I continue to jerk myself, staying in this moment as I finally allow myself to let out everything I’ve kept buried for so long. To fully embrace my feelings and acknowledge who I am, and whatI want. For the first time ever, I’m not holding back… and it feels so fucking good.

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