Page 60 of Tide Over

I nod. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

His eyes shift out to the room again, and a distant look takes over him once more. “There’s a lot I’m not ready for.” I watch astension enters his jaw, and he absentmindedly picks at the label on his beer bottle. “Sometimes I feel like I’ll never be.”

I can’t help but think again about everything he’s told me so far, and wonder just how deep this pain goes. I know there’s more, but I’m not going to push him for it. I remember what it felt like when my dad died, and how every time someone asked me questions or pushed me to talk before I was ready, it shoved me back instead of helping me forward. So I’m not going to do that to him, especially when he’s starting to open up, just a little bit.

But as I think about having questions, needing to talk, and opening up… my mind drifts to the nagging thoughts and questions that have been trying to push me in a direction I also don’t feel ready to go in.

“I’ve been wondering lately what it would feel like to come out,” I murmur, breaking the silence.

Liam turns his head and I meet his gaze with a sigh.

“I have no fucking idea what to do about it,” I say.

He nods as he looks into my eyes. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

I smile at him with a little chuckle. “Wise words.”

He shrugs one shoulder with a soft smirk.

Then I sigh, my smile fading as I lean my head back against the wall. “But I also feel like I’ll never be ready.” I keep my eyes on his, hesitating before I quietly add, “But if I do… it could affect you too, if…”

His eyes soften as I trail off, unsure how to finish that thought as the words get stuck in my throat.

If you’ll still be here? If you want people to know that side of you?

…If you’ll still have me?

“The only thing I care about is you,” he says softly. “Whatever you want, I’m here.”

A fluttering feeling forms in my chest at the thought of him wanting to be with me during this massive change in my life… and just wanting to be a part of my life. It’s big for him too. And I can’t help but wonder what his family would think. He said he’s never been with a guy before, but he doesn’t seem to share the same fears I do.

A question bubbles as I watch him. I feel like it’s an important one, for both of us… so I go for it.

“What would Nick think?”

Liam shifts his gaze past me, his eyes distant again as emotion flickers. He seems to lose himself to his head again for a moment, and I worry I pushed too hard, too soon.

“He’d give me a hard time,” he says eventually.

Fuck.

My heart sinks, and I brace myself for the moment this all unravels. Where Liam realizes his best friend, the most important person in his life, wouldn’t have approved of us.

Liam’s gaze slides back to mine and his lips tilt up in a soft smile. “In the best way.”

My brow furrows, and he chuckles lightly.

“He’d love it. But I’d be hearing awful dick jokes for the rest of my life.” He lets out another soft huff before he drops his gaze, and his smile fades.

I watch him for a moment, until he lifts his eyes to meet mine again. The sadness has returned, but with it is something else. Something a little softer.

“He’d really like you,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

I smile softly. “Sounds like I’d really like him too.”

He holds my gaze for a moment longer. “And I think your family would support you, no matter what.”

I nod, taking a deep breath in. “I know.”

---