Page 34 of Tide Over

He cocks an eyebrow at me, then glances down at my phone in my hand with a smile. “Got a girl back home? Bet she’s excited to see you.”

I huff out a laugh and shove my phone in my pocket. “No, I don’t. And I’m going to bed because I’m tired from being on call for three weeks,” I say as I playfully push him out of my way.

Colin chuckles, waving his paddle at me. “Tell her I say hi.”

I flip him off as laughter erupts around us. With a wave goodnight to everyone, I turn and make my way down the hallway to my room. Once I’m inside, I pull my phone out again.

Maybe the weary should take a page out of Miss Bobber’s book and sit by the fire once in a while.

I set my phone down, leaving the screen open to his texts as I change into sweatpants and a t-shirt. As I pull the shirt over myhead, I glance down at the screen and pause as realization sets in. Since I’ve been on the rig, I’ve actually kept my phone on… something I haven’t done in months. I’ve kept it off for so long to avoid emotions and reminders of home, but since I started texting with Theo… I keep it on.

My eyes linger on it for another moment before I reach out to pick it up. I exit Theo’s texts and tap on my mom’s name, the unsent message I typed out to her staring back at me.

Gu bràth.

It’s been over three weeks since she sent me her message. I can’t even imagine what she must be feeling, or how much my parents must be hurting with each day that passes without hearing from me. They’re respecting my wishes, even though it’s causing them pain. A war begins to brew inside me, as I want to protect them from knowing what I’ve done, but I also want to ease their suffering and make them feel better.

Theo’s text appears at the top of the screen, and I quickly tap it, not ready to make that decision yet.

Just got home, and that’s exactly what she was doing. Climbing my legs now.

I lie back on my bed, letting out a breath as the sadness over my parents lingers, and I try to push past it.

Because she was lonely. You work too much.

You’re one to talk.

Yeah, but you have a choice.

Theo is quiet for a moment, and as I stare at the screen and wait for his response, I let my mind wander to what he told me before. How he feels like he didn’t have a choice in his life. Butoutside of fishing, he does. So I can’t help but wonder why he works himself so much.

Not as much as I’d like. I just do better when I’m busy.

I furrow my brow as I read his text again. Not as much as he’d like? So, there is something else he’d rather do? I can relate to the need to stay busy — I need it to drown out the noise in my own mind. Does he also have something he’s trying to escape?

But I don’t ask. Because I know what it feels like to try to run, and try to escape something that clings to you no matter how far you go.

Same.

We’re both quiet for a little bit as I take a deep breath in and the familiar, uneasy sensation builds inside me. But this time, I don’t push it away. I let it grow just enough to push me forward, and give me the courage to share a bit more of myself with him. The part I’ve been trying to escape.

I guess I have a choice too. But I stay busy, even on my weeks off, because it just makes everything a little easier to manage. I’m sure it’s obvious that I didn’t exactly plan on ending up in Torrin Cove. But… I couldn’t make myself go home. So even though I need to keep my mind busy, I also know how important it is to slow down and enjoy what you have before it’s all gone. But that, I’m not so good at.

My fingers tremble as I hit send, and I rub my thumb over my now healed, slightly scarred fingers. I’m not sure why I felt theurge to share this with him, and anxiety grows as I worry what he might think of it.

Of me.

I’m not either. And I know what it’s like to hide yourself away behind work so you don’t have to be alone with your thoughts. And even after losing my dad and seeing how quickly it can all change, I still can’t slow down.

The anxious feeling softens as I read his message. I appreciate that he never pushes or asks for more than I’m ready to give. He just… understands. And while it’s unfortunate that he does understand, there’s also a comfort in that. I don’t know what he’s hiding, or what happened to his dad, and I won’t ask. I won’t push him either.

Before I can respond, another text from him comes through.

I guess living in my disaster zone of a house is a good thing then.

A smile spreads across my face as I chuckle.

Perfect way to stay busy.

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