Page 117 of Tide Over

I pull in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I just, I couldn’t stay in Alberta any longer.” My eyes drop to the table so I can focus on getting these words out. “I couldn’t live there, or work there anymore. I got a new job, offshore in the Gulf of Mexico.” I hear Mom sit down next to me in her chair. “I just started driving to get out of Alberta… I kept going until I got to Nova Scotia, but… I couldn’t come home.” Tears blur my vision as I hear Mom sniff and Dad shift in his seat. “I kept going until I ended up in Torrin Cove…”

Mom’s hand covers mine, and I look up to meet her tear-filled eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my own tears falling. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok, baby,” Mom says softly.

Dad nods from across the table. “Liam… we know you’re hurting. And we understand that you needed time.”

I nod. “Yeah, but… I didn’t tell you everything.”

Theo leans forward, and I glance at him to steal strength from his soft, encouraging eyes.

I inhale deeply. “I felt too guilty to come home.”

Mom squeezes my hand tighter. “Why?”

“Because of the job Nick died in…” I say, the words feeling thick and heavy, like they’re coming out in slow motion.

The room is quiet, and I slowly shift my gaze to Mom and Dad.

“What about it?” Dad asks carefully.

“It was my job,” I say, my voice cracking as emotion rolls over me. “It was supposed to be me in there, but I asked him to do it.”

Mom covers her mouth with her other hand and a small sob escapes her.

“I didn’t check the gas levels, so the cylinders needed to be replaced and…” My breath catches as the tears fall faster. “If I had just?—”

“Liam,” Dad says, his voice firm, but gentle. I look at him and prepare myself for whatever he’s going to say or do. But he just shakes his head and leans forward, resting his forearms on the table. “Nick’s parents received the accident report a few weeks ago.”

My heart skips a beat as I stare at him.

“The cylinders had a faulty valve. It doesn’t matter when they were replaced, or who did it… this would have happened anyway.” He pauses as I just stare back at him, unable to move. “The company who produced them was found responsible. And the cylinders you used the day prior had the same faulty valves.” He shakes his head slowly. “It wasn’t supposed to be you.”

My head goes fuzzy and my heart thumps as those words sink in.

“It’s not your fault, my love,” Mom says, bringing my attention to her. “You’ve both asked each other to do jobs, switch shifts, and so much more over the years. And you both always did it, because you love each other. This was no different.”

A sob escapes me, and I drop my head to her shoulder as she wraps her arms around me. And having her here, feeling her touch and hearing her words… I think it’s the piece I’ve been missing, to finally pull my head up and really start healing.

“I miss him so much,” I say through my tears and Mom kisses the side of my head.

“I know,” she says softly, and just continues to hold me as I let it all out.

When my tears slow, Mom gently pulls back and looks down at my arm, tracing her fingers over the Triquetra tattoo I got for Nick. “Bòidheach, a bhobain,” she says with a smile.

I nod, lifting my eyes to meet hers.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” she says softly.

“Me too.” And I am. Ireallyam.

Mom’s eyes then shift to Theo, and he gives her a soft smile. I slide my hand onto his thigh as I look into his eyes, my love for him overflowing as I appreciate him for being so supportive, steady, understanding, and patient.

“So, when do I get to hear this story?” Mom asks as she smiles between us.

I turn back to her with a nod. “Soon.” Then I take a deep breath and look around the table. “I just need to go do something first.”

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