Page 62 of Ruin Me

Work.

Work was the cure in times like these, I reminded myself. School work in college was how I distracted myself while I licked fresh wounds from Kent’s rejection. Afterward, work during my internships, my first official job, and when I decided to branch out on my own saved me from dwelling on things I couldn’t change. The long, sleepless hours I sacrificed were worth it because I built a successful business.

The playbook helped me in the past; it had to help me in the present. So, I buried myself in work. For days at a time until Kent’s frustration boiled over.

I was on my second week of trying to work my pain away when Kent walked through the door to see me pushing my exhausted body beyond its limits again.

He didn’t punish me, though. He never did anymore. Kent pinched his lips and without a word pulled me from my desk and led me to our bedroom, where he held and petted me likea wounded animal until I broke down and cried. It was our new routine.

My outpouring set off our menagerie.Benson and Stabler howled and Tyger mewled in sync with me.

I felt sorry for Kent’s poor ears because the animals refused to quiet. They snuck into our bedroom and leaped onto the bed, pitifully wailing along with me. The dogs deferred to Tyger and only the feline trod forward to nudge my arm until I cleared a path for him to curl into my lap. Once the cat settled himself, Benson and Stabler found space on my legs and circled until they, too, curled into a ball with their heads on me. Calm now, they shared concerned glances with each other before turning their sad eyes on me and licking the parts of my body they could reach. I couldn’t move under their combined weight, not that I would. But the combined heat of Kent’s body behind me, the purring engine in my lap, and the thick, double-coated German Shepherds guaranteed I would be drenched in sweat.

I couldn’t recall a time when I had so much love surrounding me, then I remembered… Ife was only one body, but she did as much for me as three pets and a man was doing for me right now. However, she had no one to do the same for her.

And the tears started over again, as did the concert of lamentation. And my sweet Kent, refused to leave my side or make me feel guilty for my feelings. He’s said he understood what losing Ife meant to me. I didn’t believe him. How could he know? But with the way he showed up for me, maybe he did. Had I told him? No conversation came to mind. Then again, he said he never missed anything I said. Maybe this is what that meant.

When grief wrung me dry, my eyes grew heavy.

“Oh, no you don’t.” Kent shook me awake. “I know you skipped lunch. I won’t let you skip dinner.”

“I don’t have an appetite.” I batted his hand away.

“I’ll make you something light to eat. Regardless, there’s no sleeping until you’ve eaten and I’ve given you a bath. You can’t be comfortable having sweated so much.” He slipped behind me with great difficulty.

Tyger protested being jostled and the dogs became alert at his escape from the bed. When I didn’t move, Kent reached out to me.

“You can’t disturb a cat when they’re comfortable. I think I read somewhere it causes permanent trauma.”

Kent rolled his eyes and lifted Tyger despite both of us protesting. “We’ll pamper his bad memories away. After a few treats, he’ll forget where he was.”

Tyger’s glare, directed at Kent said otherwise.

“I don’t know. You’re risking your life displeasing Don Tyger this way.”

Kent sneered at me, then the cat. “You’re here rent free because of me. Show a little gratitude.”

Tyger launched himself at Kent who barely dodged the attack.

“You were saying?” I said as Tyger resumed his position on my lap.

“Dinner in bed works, too.” Kent left the room, shaking his head.

The dogs watched him leave and whimpered their dilemma. Who should they choose? In the end, they also stayed with me.

The moment of levity passed, leaving me traversing through another episode of sadness. I must have dozed off because Kent shook me awake. The four-legged weights holding my body to the bed were no longer in the room, though how Kent achieved the miracle, I didn’t have the energy to guess.

“Here. I made you some soup.”

“You made this?”

“I’ll have you know, I learned from Lola. I couldn’t have my wife and daughter eating food from someone who didn’t have a vested interest in them getting better when they were sick. I know I became a shitty husband to Lola the last years she was alive, but I remembered what it was like to take care of someone I love.”

I nod and took the tray with the soup from him. The aroma was familiar.

Scent leaves.

Along with the poultry scent, the strong, pungent anise-like aroma wafted on a steam wisp as I inhaled.

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