Page 46 of Fighting for Ella

Only this time, she already knew that Miguel wasnotthe answer.

Still, even knowing that, she craved more of his touch as his hands worked their way up her calves, massaging the weary muscles and drawing a small content sigh from her lips.

It felt so good to have someone there taking care of her.

She hadn't really wanted to be alone, she just didn't have anywhere to turn. With her family unaware of all that had happened, and the distance between her and her friends, there was no one else.

Until there was.

Until this man showed up seemingly determined to stand by her side.

“Here, sit up. Let me do your shoulders,” Miguel’s voice rumbled as his large hands circled her wrists and tugged her up.

Shifting her so she was perched on the edge of the couch between his spread knees, he began to work out the kinks in her neck and shoulders. Each firm stroke of his fingers eased some of the tension, released another string tying the heavy burdens to her back, and strengthened the connection she felt toward the man who had shown her kindness even when he had no reason to believe in her.

When his hands finally dropped, Ella mewed a protest, making Miguel chuckle.

“Why don’t you head up and take a nice hot shower? I’ll make you something to eat, and then you can head to bed.”

“Come with me.” The words tumbled from her lips before she could stop them, but even once they were out there Ella felt no desire to pull them back.

“Upstairs?”

“In the shower,” she clarified, willing him to understand without her having to say it so blatantly.

This wasn’t her. She didn't use sex as a Band-Aid for her problems. Yet she had never wanted a man more than she wanted the one staring at her like she’d suddenly grown an extra head. It was a craving that ran deep, he was the only one who had believed in her, and he’d saved her over and over again.

She needed him.

Needed him to help her forget for just a little while all that had happened to her.

“Ella, honey, we can't. Not after what you’ve been through. I'm not going to take advantage of you,” Miguel said gently.

“It’s not taking advantage if it’s what I want,” she assured him.

Sex didn't have to be a big deal. Just because for her it was usually a way to express intimacy with the person she had feelings for didn't mean it always had to be that way. It could be just sex. It could just be about her and Miguel, here tonight, no worries about the future, no plans, no strings, nothing.

Just the two of them.

Just a human connection when she felt so very isolated and alone.

Just a moment to forget the horrors that had infiltrated her mind and were seeping down into her soul, infecting it with a disease she would never be able to completely recover from.

“I don’t mean to sound condescending, honey, but I don’t think you're in a position to be making choices about anything big right now, and sex is a big decision.”

With his thoughtful words and determination to still look out for her, even if it meant turning down sex because he wanted to do the right thing, it was only making her want him more.

Was it so wrong of her to need just a tiny break from the disastrous mess her life had become?

If it was only about forgetting then she might feel bad for trying to use Miguel, but it ran deeper than that. She didn't want sex with a random man, she wanted it with someone she trusted, someone who made her feel like she wasn’t completely alone.

She wanted sex with Miguel.

“Please don’t make me beg,” she whispered, averting her gaze because she knew if she spotted an ounce of rejection, it would break her.

“How about a compromise?”

That sounded too close to rejection for Ella’s liking.

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