Page 66 of Fighting for Ella

This was the only one she wanted.

She just didn't know if he would let her keep him.

February 11th

6:14 A.M.

Why wasit so easy to believe that everything could turn out all right when he had this woman in his arms?

What was it about her that stilled everything inside him?

“Miguel?” Ella asked, turning her head so that her chin was propped up on his chest and she looked up at him. They were still in bed, he hadn't even put up a protest when Ella asked him if he’d stay the night and hold her while she slept. Given that she’d had a couple of nightmares, he was glad he hadn't let his fears get the best of him so that he was there to soothe her as she trembled and cried.

When he woke a couple of hours ago, the urge to tuck tail and run had been there, but he hadn't given into it. With no idea what the future held, he wanted to make the most of the opportunities to touch and hold her while they were there.

In a blink of an eye, he could lose this and he wasn't ready to face that possibility yet.

For now, he just wanted to be there, support this brave woman, and give her the strength and comfort she needed. For now, that had to be enough. He could worry about everything else later.

“Yeah, honey?” His hand trailed absently up and down the length of her spine, maybe more in a gesture to soothe himself than her.

“Can I ask you something?”

Even though his stomach dropped at the question he nodded. “Yeah, you can ask me anything you want.”

And he’d answer it.

Whatever she wanted to know he couldn’t help but feel like she had earned the right to an honest answer.

“I know that I probably shouldn’t ask, you’ve already done more for me than you had to. You saved me, and you’ve been here for me. I was just wondering … is there a reason that you … keep things casual with women?”

Without her having to say the words aloud Miguel knew what she was really asking.

Was there a reason he didn't want to give them a chance?

If he hadn't just confessed his secrets to Luis, he might have been tempted to hold back now. To tell her that it really wasn't any of her business. But for some strange reason, it didn't seem all that daunting to tell Ella the truth. Besides, it affected her too since it was those fears that prevented him from asking her out.

“Do you know much about Luis and my history?” he asked.

“No. I don’t know much about him at all other than Cassie has fallen head over heels for him.” There was a wistfulness to her tone that he wished he had the ability—or the courage—to smooth away. If he just believed that he had what it took to keep his dark urges under control then he could.

But he wasn't sure if he could.

Wasn't sure that he wasn't making her his latest addiction.

That would be the ultimate irony. If he finally found a woman he wanted so badly to stay clean and sober for, only to have her become his obsession and that be the thing that wound up destroying them both.

“Our childhood wasn't a good one. Dad bailed and left our mom alone with two little kids and addictions she couldn’t—or didn't want to—get a handle on. Any money she got went on drugs and booze. Usually, we went through dumpsters searching for food so we didn't starve and stole a little on occasion. There was a parade of boyfriends in and out of the house, all wereaddicts, and some were violent. Mostly they pounded on Luis, he was older and tried to shield me as best as a little boy could.”

There would never be a day that went by when he wasn't grateful for everything his brother had done for him. He’d always wanted to prove himself to Luis and be just like him. Following him into the SEALs had been a no-brainer, but could he follow his big brother into the land of love and relationships?

“I'm so sorry,” Ella said, her fingertips tracing small circles on his pecs.

“When I was nine and Luis was eleven, he decided that if we joined a local gang we’d be able to get money and get a better life for ourselves. Made sense in his eleven-year-old head. Since we were so little the gang decided to use us as a lure to break into a couple of businesses, thinking they’d open up for two kids who needed help. It worked. Only the business they hit up the owners fought back. There was a shootout, cops came, and I was critically injured.”

One of Ella’s fingers moved to his neck and trailed along the pale, silvery scar there. “This?”

“Yeah. I almost bled out, people died, when the cops realized how young Luis and I were CPS got involved. We were removed from our mom’s custody and put in foster care. We really lucked out there. Wound up with a former military family, they had four biological kids but wanted to help some kids in need. I consider them my family, more so than the people who created me. They’ve been there for me through everything since I was nine years old.” Miguel paused to drag in a long breath. It was now or never. “Including through my own addictions.”

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