Page 64 of Phoenix Rising

Lucinda hesitated, her heart pounding in her chest. She had never been good at letting go of control or being vulnerable, but this was Becky. If she couldn’t be honest with her, then what was the point?

“I’ve been thinking about us,” Lucinda said, her voice steadier now. “About what we’re doing.”

Becky’s eyes softened, but there was a guardedness there too. “What do you mean?”

Lucinda took a deep breath, stepping closer to her. “I know we agreed to take things slow, to figure this out as we go, and I still think that was the right decision. But after everything that’s happened, I don’t want to keep tiptoeing around how I feel.”

Becky’s expression was unreadable, her gaze steady but searching. “How do you feel?”

Lucinda swallowed, the words catching in her throat for a moment. But she had to say them. She owed it to herself and to Becky.

“I’m scared, Becky,” Lucinda admitted, her voice thick with emotion. “I’ve always been scared. Scared of getting hurt, of losing control, ofthings not working out. But I can’t keep letting that fear control my life. I can’t keep letting it control us.”

Becky’s gaze softened, but she stayed silent, waiting for Lucinda to continue.

“I love you,” Lucinda said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I've loved you since you came to take care of me when I was sick and maybe even before that." She felt her face heat. "And I don’t want to keep holding back just because I’m afraid. We’ve been through so much together, and I think we both know that what we have is worth fighting for.”

Becky’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, her breath hitching as she absorbed Lucinda’s words, and for a long moment, Lucinda didn’t say anything. Her heart raced in her chest, wondering if she had said too much, if she had pushed too hard.

“I'm done running,” Lucinda said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I want to commit to this. To us. I know it won’t be easy, but I don’t care. I’m ready to face whatever comes, as long as we do it together.”

Becky's eyes searched Lucinda’s for any sign of doubt, but all she would find would be sincerity.

“Are you sure?” Becky asked, her voice quiet, almost as if she didn’t want to hope.

Lucinda nodded, her heart full of certainty. “I’m sure.”

A slow smile spread across Becky’s face, one that made Lucinda’s heart skip a beat. It was the same smile that had always made her feel safe, like everything was going to be okay.

Becky pulled her into a tight embrace, and Lucinda melted into it, burying her face in the crook of Becky’s neck. They stood there for what felt like hours, holding on to each other as the weight of their fears, their past, and their uncertainties seemed to melt away.

When they finally pulled apart, Becky’s eyes were still shining with emotion, but something in her expression still said she was holding back.

“So, what does this mean?” Becky asked, her voice laced with caution. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Lucinda rubbed her sweaty hands against her lab coat. “I could be if you wanted me to be, of course.”

Becky glanced away, her eyebrows furrowed together. She bit her lip as she thought. "I think I need to think about this."

"Oh." Lucinda hoped her face didn't betray her disappointment. "Of course."

Becky caught her hand, pulling Lucinda close. Her hands gripped Lucinda's hips hard, like she was restraining herself from doing something rash. "Don't take this the wrong way. This has nothing to do with me not wanting you. You said everything I needed to hear. I just... The past few days…" Becky sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I want to make sure I'm not rushing into this. I need to sort through these feelings." She looked down at Lucinda sheepishly. "I don't want to mess this up again."

Lucinda nodded. "I under?—"

Becky cut off Lucinda's statement with a kiss. A kiss that promised everything and more. And in a way, it felt like a thank you. Lucinda's fears melted away for a split second.

Becky leaned her forehead against Lucinda's. "Come to my place tomorrow, ok? We'll talk."

As they stood there wrapped in each other’s arms, the sun finally broke through the last of the clouds, casting a warm, golden light over the city.

Lucinda lingered in Becky’s embrace for a moment longer, absorbing the warmth and strength that radiated from her. It was an odd contrast to the stormy uncertainty that had hungbetween them for so long. Now, as they held each other amidst the wreckage of the storm, it felt like they were building something new, something fragile but hopeful.

When Becky finally let go, her hands slid down Lucinda’s arms, their fingers still loosely entwined. Lucinda could feel the ache of wanting more, of wanting Becky to say the words she had waited to hear, but she knew she had to be patient. She understood Becky's need for time and clarity. After everything that had happened, jumping into a decision without careful thought would only risk breaking them again, and Lucinda wasn’t sure either of them could survive that twice.

“I’ll be there,” Lucinda said softly, her fingers tightening for just a second before she released Becky’s hand.

Becky smiled, but there was still that cautious look in her eyes. “Good. And rest before then, okay? You look like you’re about to pass out.”

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