Page 46 of Phoenix Rising

As the team worked, Lucinda could hear the sounds of the ongoing chaos from the other trauma bays. Her focus was razor-sharp, but the background murmur of voices and the sight of Becky through the glass window of the adjacent trauma bay kept drawing her attention.

Becky was pacing anxiously, her face etched with worry as she spoke with the medical staff. The sight of her, so vulnerable and out of her element, stirred a mixture of emotions in Lucinda: guilt, regret, and a deep-seated longing.

Minutes stretched into what felt like hours. Lucinda’s team worked tirelessly, stabilizing patients and ensuring that they were ready for the next phase of treatment. Just as Lucinda finished coordinating the transfer of the critically injured patients to the burn unit, Becky approached her. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her posture had a palpable tension that made Lucinda nervous.

“Dr. Everett,” Becky said.

How odd hearing her professional name on Becky's tongue. It was real, then.

"I just wanted to thank you. You and your team, of course. Wilson wouldn't be here without you," Becky said steadily.

Lucinda looked at Becky, the pain of their lastconversation still fresh in her mind. She took a deep breath, her professional demeanor masking the turmoil she felt inside. “Chief, you don’t need to thank me. I’m just doing my job.”

Becky nodded, her cheeks tinting red. "Right. Yeah, I know. But this crew is like family to me, and seeing them hurt like this…it’s hard.”

Lucinda softened slightly, allowing a moment of vulnerability to show. “I understand. We’ll do everything we can to make sure they get the care they need.”

There was a brief, uncomfortable silence between them. Lucinda could sense the unspoken words hanging in the air, the unresolved feelings that neither of them had fully addressed.

“Can we talk later?” Becky finally asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe after things settle down?”

Lucinda hesitated, torn between her professional responsibilities and her personal emotions. She glanced at the nurses moving patients in the ER and then back at Becky. “I have a lot of work to do right now, but later, yes.”

Becky smiled. “Thank you. I’ll be here for a while. Whenever you’re ready.”

As Becky walked away, Lucinda felt a pang ofregret. The intense focus she’d maintained throughout the crisis had helped her keep her emotions in check, but now, the weight of her feelings for Becky hit her with full force.

She didn't want to break things off. In fact, she wanted to grip Becky and never let her go. But Lucinda wasn't made for love. She was made for work, and she was made for work alone.

With a sigh, Lucinda returned to her duties, coordinating with the burn unit and ensuring that the remaining patients received the necessary care. Hours passed in a blur of activity, her mind half on her work and half on the conversation she knew she needed to have with Becky.

Eventually, as the emergency situation began to wind down, Lucinda found a moment to step outside and take a deep breath. The night air was excellent, a stark contrast to the heat of the trauma bays. She leaned against the wall, her thoughts swirling.

"Hey."

Lucinda looked up from the concrete to seeBecky standing awkwardly under the pale yellow light of the door. “Chief.”

“Is this a good moment for you or...?"

Lucinda hadn't seen Becky act this uncomfortable since the first time they had met. She didn't like it; it didn't suit her.

Lucinda nodded. “Yes. Let's talk."

Becky fidgeted with her hands, clearly nervous. “I wanted to apologize for how things ended. I didn’t handle things well, and I'm sorry I was so...cruel. But I also wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened. And I realize I don't understand what you are going through.”

Lucinda’s eyes softened. “It wasn’t just about the breakup, Becky. It’s about everything that led up to it. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I felt like I was constantly on edge, waiting for things to fall apart. I care about you and don't want to see you dragged down into my mess."

Becky blew out a sigh. The moment of shared vulnerability had not brought the clarity she had hoped for. If anything, it had deepened her confusion and anger.

"So what now?" Becky asked, her voice edged with frustration. "You say you care, but then youpush me away. I don't understand, Lucinda. I'm willing to—" She stopped herself and shook her head. "No, I'm not getting into this again. I just wanted to apologize for my temper, that's all."

Becky turned to walk back into the hospital, but Lucinda didn't want to see her go. Hell, she wanted to kiss her; she wanted to keep fighting with her; she wanted to do anything to keep that feeling of loneliness at bay.

"I don’t have all the answers, Becky. I think we both aren't ready for something like this." Lucinda looked at Becky, her face a mask of professional detachment. The warmth she had shown earlier seemed to have vanished.

Becky turned and walked right up to Lucinda. "Don't put words into my mouth. I was willing to go slow. I want to help you through this, baby." Becky's hand grazed Lucinda's cheek, her eyes filled with longing.

It almost broke her; she nearly pulled Becky to her mouth. She would have snuck her into her office and let Becky fuck her on the desk. Lucinda would have let Becky take her home so they could make breakfast to soft jazz and have several thousand sweet kisses. But she knew she couldn't have that.

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