Page 44 of Be Less Panda

‘Come on, Mimi. Play the game.’ Nancy lay flat on the floor and looked the cat in the eye. ‘You can’t stay there. You know Madame Dubois is not your biggest fan.’

Mimi just meowed.

This wasn’t going to work. Nancy needed to find something to tempt her out. She went back to the kitchen and looked in the fridge. Surely, there would be some cooked meat in there. But Madame Dubois seemed to survive entirely on white wine. There wasn’t even any milk. There was a small piece of Gruyère at the back of the bottom shelf. Most cats liked cheese, didn’t they? There was only one way to findout. Nancy took a knife from the draining board and cut off a sliver. Madame Dubois wouldn’t miss that.

She headed back to the dungeon room. As soon as she opened the door, Mimi shot out.

‘You infuriating animal,’ Nancy said, following her back to the living room. She wafted the piece of cheese in front of her.

Mimi took a step forward and apprehensively sniffed at it. Nancy moved towards the cat’s left flank while Mimi considered whether the cheese was edible or not. She dropped the cheese and quickly grabbed the cat with both hands, tucking her under her arm. Mimi meowed in frustration.

‘Sorry, Mimi. It’s time to go.’ But as she set off towards the stairs, she heard voices: Madame Dubois and a male voice she didn’t recognise.

In hindsight, the sensible course of action would have been to carry Mimi calmy to the stairs, tell Madame Dubois what had happened, missing out the part about discovering the dungeon, and then leave her to it. But Nancy panicked. She turned around and fled with Mimi into the corridor, pulling the living room door quietly shut after her.

‘Now what are we going to do?’ she muttered.

Mimi was so bemused by the sudden movement she relaxed in Nancy’s arms.

There was no point in going back into the windowless dungeon, as chances are, that was precisely where Madame Dubois and her visitor were heading. Nancy opened the door to one of the rooms that she guessed must face onto the side street. It was a small bedroom, tastefully decorated in a very similar style to the living room. French windows opened onto the side balcony. There was no chance Madame Dubois or her client would come in here, was there? She heard their voices getting closer. It sounded like they were right outside the door now.

If one of them walked in, how was she going to explain why she was standing here cuddling a cat? Nancy peered out at the balcony. It extended across the whole side of the house. If she went out there, there was enough room to stand out of sight of the windows.

She quickly pulled back the net curtain, opened the door and went outside, pulling the curtain across again after herself and clipping the door to. She’d wait out here for a few minutes until Madame Dubois and her client were busy in the dungeon, then go back inside and retreat to the office downstairs.

Except there was no handle on the outside of the door. Shit! Nancy looked down into the street two floors below.What are you going to do now, Nancy?You’rewell and truly stuck.

Mimi didn’t seem too happy about the situation either. She squirmed out of Nancy’s arms and leapt onto the top of the ornate ironwork railings that surrounded the balcony, then launched herself across to the next balcony, which belonged to the café where she officially lived.

‘That’s alright for you, Mimi, but what about me?’ Nancy whispered. She considered clambering over the railings and lowering herself down, but she would still be too far off the ground to land safely.

Mimi was miaowing at next door’s window. Perhaps someone would let Nancy in, too, if she joined Mimi’s on the other balcony. The gap between the two balconies wasn’t that big. Nancy clambered onto the ironwork, supporting herself by putting one hand on the wall. She composed herself, ready to jump.

‘Nancy! What are you doing?’

She looked down to see Hans standing in the street. Why was he there? He should be importing and exporting things at his office at this time of day. ‘You’re going to fall,’ he said.

‘Shh!’ She put her fingers to her lips and then pointed at the next balcony. She tried to mime jumping across.

Hans looked horrified. He put his hands up and shook his head. ‘Don’t move. I’ll get help.’

She waved to try to stop him, but he was already heading around the corner, presumably to the bookshop.

Nancy weighed up the jump again. Perhaps Hans was right. It was too far to attempt it in a narrow skirt. If she missed, she’d land on the sweet old lady who had just sat down at the cafe table immediately below.

‘Nancy!’ A different voice shouted. She looked down to see Philip on the pavement with Hans standing beside him.

‘You mad woman. What are you doing up there?’

‘I’m stuck out here,’ she said in a stage whisper. ‘There’s no door handle to get back inside.’

‘Don’t move,’ Philip said.

‘The men in my life are very good at dishing out obvious advice,’ she muttered to Mimi, who was looking as bemused at her behaviour as Philip and Hans had at her. The door opened behind Mimi, and Monsieur Martin, the cafe owner, appeared.

‘What are you doing, Nancy?’ he asked.

‘Funnily enough, you’re the third person to ask me that today.’

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