Page 73 of Be More Lucy

The silhouetted woman disappeared, and the upstairs door slammed.

‘What did you say that for?’ Mark laughed. ‘She’ll think we’re indulging in some weird incest thing.’

‘It sounded good when I said it in my head.’

‘I think your comedy routine needs a bit of work.’

‘Does it? Shall we go inside and discuss it?’ Lucy said hopefully.

Lucy lay in Mark’s arms.

‘So much for just being friends,’ he said.

‘You’re not complaining, are you?’ She didn’t think he was.

‘No.’ He smiled. ‘But promise me one thing. If you’re ever thinking of dumping me again, talk to me about it first.’

‘Ok. As long as you promise to keep me up to date with any extra female relatives you discover.’

‘I’ll try. Seriously though, you can trust me.’

‘I’m not very good at trusting men.’ Lucy turned away.

‘Why?’ He rolled on his side and looked at her

Was it too soon to mention Dylan? She was going to have to bring it up sometime.

‘There was someone I trusted completely at uni.’ She hesitated.

‘Did he cheat on you?’

‘No.’ She took a deep breath and looked intently at him. ‘I got pregnant. Accidentally.’

At least Mark didn’t recoil in horror. She carried on. ‘I worked out how we could afford to live. I was just about to start my first proper job. He was a PhD student. He was doing some lecturing so we wouldn’t have been destitute. But he didn’t want to know. He told me to get an abortion, and when I refused, he walked out. He never came back, not even to pick up the few things he kept at mine. I ended up taking them around to his flat, but his flatmates said he’d moved. He’d gone to London. No forwarding address.’

‘What happened to your baby?’

‘I had a miscarriage.’

Here we go again.The tears started and wouldn’t stop. Was she ever going to be able to say those words without breaking down? He scooped her up in his arms and cradled her until the sobbing eased off.

‘The doctor said it was unlikely the stress had caused it. Probably a genetic abnormality. Nature taking its course. Nothing to worry about. “You’re young. I’m sure you’ll have more babies, Ms Thomas.” He was trying to be reassuring, but it felt so callous.’

‘Oh, Luce,’ he kissed her forehead.

‘I got it so wrong with Dylan. It was a complete shock. I thought we’d stick together regardless of what life threw at us. I’ve not trusted my judgment about men since then.’

‘So you keep everyone at arm’s length?’

‘Except when I’m shagging them,’ she said with a half laugh through her sniffles. ‘It’s safer that way. I can brush it off when they inevitably hurt me. Not a recipe for long-lasting happiness, is it?’

‘No,’ he said thoughtfully.

‘You won’t tell anyone, will you, not even Jack? I haven’t found a way to tell Em yet. She’d be horrified that I went through all that and didn’t confide in her.’

‘I won’t tell a soul. It’s your secret. Thank you for trusting me with it.’

‘What about you? How have you got to 36 and not had a long-term relationship?’

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