Page 10 of Everything I Desire

We sit in silence for a few more minutes, Porter never leaving the doorway, and never making the move to come to us.

Kayla finally makes the choice to get out of the car and heads inside, looking back to make sure I’m behind her.

We take our seats at the table in the dingy dining room. The fluorescent yellow lighting casting a soft glow in the room.

Porter sits across from Kayla and I, looking nervously between us. “Okay, please tell me what is going on? I’ve been going crazy the last couple hours.”

I look at Kayla and nod letting her know it’s okay, that I’ll be here for her. She reaches out to me and I give her hand a little squeeze. “Uncle Porter, I think Mom is dealing drugs.”

“What? Why do you think that?” I can see his fists ball up at his sides under the table. He’s still the same Porter, and I can read his body language like my favorite book.

“Well, when you’re, -um-, when you’re at Mr. Ronnie's, people come by. Looking for their drugs or their money,” she stammers.

“What!” He half-rises from his seat.

I reach across the table, placing my hand on his arm, trying to ignore the electricity running through my fingertips. “Porter. Kayla is okay, but she’s scared and trying to tell you about something that is bothering her.”

At my touch he seems to calm and sits back down. “You’re right. You’re right. Kayla, why didn’t you tell me? I would have called the cops, I would make sure I’m home.”

“It’s because of that reason right there why I didn’t tell you. I want you to work, Uncle Porter. When you work, we have money. When we have money, there’s food in the house, you cook for me, and we have money for laundry detergent.” She sighs, but continues, “and if you call the cops, that’s a target on me. I’m the snitch. You know how it goes for snitches in the neighborhood.”

He nods, conveying that he does know. “Well it isn’t safe here. I don’t want you around that. Anddon’t ever worry about me working. I have money that if you need me home for a day, I can be home for the day, and still feed you. You don’t have to worry about that anymore.” He gets up from his seat and walks around to pull her in for a hug. “I’ll start looking for rentals. We can move out of here tomorrow if that makes you feel safe.”

“Out of here? You want to take me away from Lupine Valley?” She begins to panic, her voice rising.

“No, no honey. I won’t take you from here, but I am taking you from the park. We’re going to find a nice, quiet, family neighborhood.”

I let go of a breath that I had been holding for her. I’m so happy he is understanding of her situation, not that he hasn’t lived it himself.

“Oh! I have the perfect person to help you. Do you remember Lauren Sullivan?” I ask Porter.

“Uh yea, she was Lacey’s friend right?” He probably didn’t know her too well since they’re a little older than us. I wonder if he’s kept in touch with anyone else.

“Yeah! Well she’s a realtor now, she helped Lace buy the salon. I can give you her number so you can start looking. She’s great, and obviously knows the town well enough to find you the perfect area.” I jump up to go get my phone for him.

“I’d really appreciate that Ba- Adelaide.” I glare at him when starts to use my nickname.

Ugh. He needs to stop with the baby thing. I can’t even handle him being here, but him calling mebaby, that makes me think things I should not be thinking. Not unless I know he’s back for good.

I get him Lauren’s number and send her a text for him; to let her know that I gave her number out and to expect his call.

When it’s time to leave I find myself not wanting to. I don’t want to leave Kayla in a place she doesn’t feel safe, and part of me wants a moment alone with Porter even though I know I shouldn’t.

“I’ll walk you out,” Porter says, coming over toward the door.

“Oh, thanks I appreciate it.” And I do, I was a little nervous to walk to my car knowing what Kayla said. She is so much braver than I could ever be.

I place my purse in the car and turn to face Porter, but I find him much too close and in my space. I can only stare at him, my mind doesn’t work when he’s this close and still smells the same as he always has. That cedar scent reminds me of a person who is home. I place my hands on his biceps to steady myself from the turn.

“Baby, I’m so sorry you’re dragged into my mess again.” He almost whispers, lazily rapping his knuckles on my hips.

I rest my forehead on his hard chest for the briefest moment, “Why didn’t you come back for me, Porter?”

Before he can answer, Kayla opens the front door. He jumps back so fast I almost fall over, realizing how much I was leaning on him. How much I really have missed his presence.

“Oops. Sorry, I’ll let you two uh, get back together, I mean back to talking.” She smiles as she turns back into the house.

I get in my car quickly, before Porter can turn back to me. “I’m so sorry, Porter.” I say, and shut my car door, leaving him there in his driveway.

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