Page 39 of Give Me Three

I sighed, staring down at the energy drink clutched in my hand. “I thought I could handle it. But then everything spiraled out of control so fast. And I hurt Jaxon—physically and emotionally. I almost destroyed the most beautiful thing Eros and I have found together outside of our marriage.” I shook my head. “Jaxon and Eros—and repairing what I broke—has been my sole focus for the past couple of weeks.”

And it had. I’d spent every spare moment trying to make up for my mistakes. I knew Eros and Jaxon had forgiven me, but I’d almost broke the three of us apart. And losing each other was something the three of us would never heal from. I wanted them to know—to fully grasp—that I never intended to walk away again. I never intended to let either of them walk away either.

I had latched onto them with extreme prejudice, and my claws were sinking in deep. Trying to rip me out of them now would leave them bleeding and broken, nothing more than shredded muscle and organs.

I wasn’t even sorry for it.

“We’re moving your appointments to twice a week,” Dr. Clancy told me. “I expect to see you every Tuesday and Thursday until I know you’re stable again.”

I scowled. That hadn’t been my intention when I’d come in here and spewed everything that’d happened. “I don’t want?—”

“Twice a week, Zeppelin, or you go on medication.”

I gritted my teeth. I knew medication helped so many people, but I just had a bad history with it. I couldn’t stomach the thought of going on prescription meds, even if they were just mood stabilizers. Not after seeing the way my mother had lost herself on prescriptions of every fucking kind. She’d been so lost in her need for them, so dependent on them, that she fuckingsoldme.

And managed to fuck up my life even worse than she’d managed on her own.

“Fine,” I growled.

She leaned back in her seat before steepling her fingers over her midsection. “Let’s talk about you hurting Jaxon. How did that make you feel in the moment?”

“In control,” I told her, hating the words as I said them. But they were the truth, and she couldn’t help me if I didn’t always tell her the truth.

“And after?”

I stared back down at my energy drink, the can crinkling beneath my grip when I tightened it. I forced my hand to relax. “Like shit,” I confessed. “I felt fucking horrible. He fuckingbled.” My stomach churned as I remembered. “I ripped him open. Fucking hurt him. And still, he took care of me.” I swallowed thickly. “He told me he fucking loves me.” I looked up at her. “How could he love a monster?”

“You’re not a monster, Zeppelin,” she said calmly. Patiently. “You’re a man riddled with unresolved trauma who’s just trying to survive each day long enough to see the next. That doesn’t make you a monster. Did he tell you to stop?”

I shook my head. “He… liked it? I think.” He’d been moaning and groaning in that way he did when I slid inside of him. Even now, my cock thickened as I remembered the sinful, needy sounds he made for me.

“Zeppelin, I will bleed for you. Beg for you. Fucking hurt for you. You have to know that by now.”

He had bled for me. He had hurt for me. In more ways than one. And still, he was here. Still wanted me. Still wanted to be with me.

“And Eros—has he turned you away? Looked at you any differently?”

“No,” I said quietly. He hadn’t. If anything, after we’d resolved our own issues, he had clung tighter, doing his best to help heal me despite the entire shit storm of losing Jaxon having been my fault.

“Close your eyes, Zeppelin.” I did as she instructed, my finger tapping at the aluminum can in my grasp. “Picture Eros and Jaxon in your head—your favorite moment of them.” That was easy. It was the way they’d looked at each other when Eros told Spencer we were all in when it came to Jaxon and his kids. There’d been so much love in their gazes that it’d threatened to rip me apart in the most beautiful way. “Are they happy?”

“Yes,” I croaked, hating how rough my voice was.

“Good. I want you to continue picturing them, and I want you to say—out loud—I’m not a monster.”

My chest felt too fucking tight. Why was my skin suddenly two sizes too small?

“I’m not a monster,” I rasped.

“Again,” she instructed.

Jaxon turned his head and smiled at me in my mind’s eye. Eros’s gaze caught mine over his shoulder. My chest loosened. My skin suddenly felt like it fit again.

“I’m not a monster,” I said, a little more confidently this time. “I’mnota fucking monster.”

Jaxon was sitting on the couch when I got to his house, his laptop on his lap and Ash curled up on top of his slippers. He looked up at me when I entered the room. “Hey,” he said, smiling at me and closing his laptop. Leaning forward, he placed it on the coffee table. “How was therapy?”

“Better,” I said, leaning over him and bracing a hand on the back of the couch. I gripped his chin, kissing him. He moaned into my mouth like he just couldn’t fucking help himself, and God, I fucking loved it. “I have to see her twice a week until she says otherwise, but it was a better appointment.” I kissed him deeper, the kiss dirtier. He moaned again and tugged me onto his lap so I straddled his thighs. I tensed a bit, my chest seizing, but he just ran his hands under my shirt, palming my shoulder blades.

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