“I love you, too,” I murmured.
I squeezed her to me, swallowing back my tears as I stared at Jenson’s still-dark house over her shoulder. He wasn’t back home yet. And it was killing me to walk away from him, but I couldn’t throw away my future on something so new.
And choosing him would destroy everything.
I would get through this.I had to. And if Jenson and I were truly meant to be, we’d find our way back to each other.
Ihadto have faith in that.
I slipped into the car and closed my door, backing out of the driveway. My fingers shook on the steering wheel as I made my way out of the neighborhood to the main highway. By the time I reached the interstate, tears were streaming down my cheeks.
And when Jenson called…
I didn’t answer.
9
Holly
Being without Jenson was a lot fucking harder than I thought it would be. When I rode away, that pain had been excruciating. Even now, as I handed in my final exam for the semester, the pain was still there. A consistent throb that never wavered. An empty hole where he should have been residing.
When Jenson realized I was gone for good, he stopped calling. And that hurt even more. But even though this sucked, I refused to regret my decision to focus on my future. To do what was best for me.
I shouldered my bag and walked out of the classroom into the quiet hallway. All of my stuff was already packed and in my car, ready for me to go back home until it was time for me to come back to campus and move into my next dorm room for the new school year. My freshman year of college was officially over, and summer break was here… a break I wasn’t prepared to endure. Not yet. Not in the house next to the man I was still so deeply in love with.
The same man whose bedroom was right across from mine.
I knew avoiding him would be impossible, and I wasn’t prepared for it.
Pain lanced through my chest, and I swallowed back tears. I refused to cry. I couldn’t. Not anymore. All these months had not made being without him any easier. I still craved him. Ached for him. But I was stronger than this.
I had lived without him this long. I could continue to heal. Continue loving and putting myself first. I had to.
I blew out a soft breath and clenched my jaw, steeling myself. I would survive this.
There was no other option.
My hands shookon the steering wheel when I pulled into the driveway, slowly rolling to a stop, my eyes glued to Jenson. He was washing his truck, his shirt tossed onto his front porch. He was barefoot, his strong legs only partially covered by a pair of swim shorts. His broad shoulders and tan, glistening back were on full display for me to ogle.
I couldn’t rip my eyes from him.
He turned to see who had turned into my parents’ driveway, and his muscles tensed when his eyes locked on mine through my window. I quickly looked away and forced myself out of the car, my hands shaky. I tightened my grip on my keys before fumbling with them to find the house key so I could get inside and away from him.
“Holly,” he rumbled. I jerked in surprise, a squeak ripping from my lips when I turned to face him. He was standing right in front of me, so close that I could feel his body heat radiating outward. His eyes captivated mine, pain and torment and misery swirling within their depths. My heart painfully throbbed in my chest.
I had no idea when he’d moved, when he’d come over here, but I knew this was unavoidable. He wasn’t letting me disappear into my house. Disappear from him.
I sank my teeth into my bottom lip to keep it from quivering. That hole in my chest widened, making me draw in a shuddered breath from the new, agonizing pain.
He still looked the same. Still so ruggedly beautiful that he stole my breath away. Still strong and fit. That neatly trimmed dark beard still covered his jaw.
“You left,” he quietly said, his words as much of a punishment to my soul as they were an accusation against me.
Anger burned inside of me at his audacity. I took a step back from him, shaking my head, my hand curling into a fist around my keys again. I latched onto that anger like a lifeline. I could be angry. I could handle that emotion.
“Don’t youdare,” I hissed, glaring up at him. He clenched his jaw, a storm brewing in his own eyes. “You gave me an ultimatum—you or my future. I love you, Jenson, so much that these past several months have been the worst few months of my existence, but I had to make the choice that was best for me.”
“Fuck how I felt, huh?” he bitterly responded. “Fuck if I’d been ready to pay your college tuition. Fuck if I’d been ready to take care of you.”