Page 46 of Never Wed an Outlaw

I had blood on my hands, good and bad, just like my old man. We were too fuckin' similar, no matter how much I tried to do right by my brothers, right by Ma, right by the woman I was starting to callmine.

Every boy gets the good, the bad, and the ugly in droves from his father. Me, I'd gotten a world of shit, all of hisstrength, and a flashing red warning not to make his dumb mistakes.

Honestly, it wasn't just dad's women who made Ma suffer. Life in this club wasn't easy for any woman, and half the girls just hitched were only realizing what they'd gotten into. They bore the brunt of it like champs, sure.

Could Hannah? Fuck, did she even want to?

I didn't know, and the uncertainty chewed me apart, piece by bitter piece. I turned around angrily, just in time to see Ma coming toward me with a yawn.

“If you've had your fun...I'm ready to head out anytime,” she said, smoothing out her purple dress, so different from the scrubs she wore for work, or the jeans and t-shirts she donned on weekends.

I waited 'til we were halfway to the parking lot before I dropped the bomb building in my brain. “I've got a question. When you were with dad, did you ever have any doubts after you took his brand? Ever stop and wonder what the fuck you were doing mixed up in all this – the club, the danger, the bullshit, I mean? I need to know.”

We stepped several paces later. She looked at me intently through the night, a soft, reassuring smile on her lips.

“I'm only human. What do you think, Danny? You were there those nights I shut myself away and bawled my eyes out.”

Of course. How the fuck could I forget?I never would. I'd never know peace from it either, all because I'd let my fuck of a father shuffle off his mortal coil before slipping on my brass knuckles and busting his jaw.

“Why'd you stay?” I forced the question through my teeth. “You could've taken off anytime. You're a smart woman, good career. Could've made a fresh start anywhere. Was this all worth it?”

“For me, Dusty, the answer will always beyes.” She grabbed my fist with both her hands, pressing it tightly between her fingers. “When a woman puts ink on her skin and wears that PROPERTY patch, she's locked in. It's a vow, no different from the oath you saw your brothers and their new wives take tonight.”

“Contracts get voided. Half the shit he did to you qualifies,” I said, staring down at her as she began the standard head shake whenever I told her what a bastard he'd been. “Look, I know you'll live out your days feeling differently about it than me. I'll respect it. But fuck, Ma, I ain't ever gonna get it.”

“Love isn't easy, Danny. I had a higher tolerance than most for blood, grit, and toil. I opened my heart. I took my bruises to the heart. Kept hoping he'd change, when every day said he wouldn't. Hoped Early's bad habits would never rub off on you. So far, knock on wood, at least one of those wishes has come true.”

My eyes went wide. “Ma, I've spent my life running away from his shit. Trying to bury it for myself, for you, for this club. Just put him behind us for good. You're a strong woman, living with your regrets, looking 'em dead in the eye. The brothers, you, and all the girls who gave up their other options to become old ladies in this MC...I get it, they're stuck, and they want to be. Trouble is, I don't knowif I can bring somebody else into this insanity.”

We both knew I was talking about Hannah. Probably sounded ridiculous, too, seeing how she'd grown up with one foot in the club as Firefly's little sis. But she'd gotten further away from this world than anybody raised into it, for fuck's sake. She wanted to leave this behind, and she'd practically succeeded.

Making her mine, making it official...wouldn't that be dragging her back?

Screwing her over? Leaving her with the same regrets Ma still hadn't come to terms with, regardless of what she said?

My stomach turned. Ma leaned in, gave me a peck on the cheek, and turned away before I could catch more than a glimpse of the tears beading in her old eyes.

“Why are you still here talking to me, son? Take me home, and then go see her. There's only one woman in the world who can help you sort this out, and she ain't me.”

Blunt as hell. Never failed to respect it.

I swallowed the rage and confusion building in my throat, nodding.

We walked to my truck without saying another word. Kept it that way the whole way into town, listening to the radio to avoid the awkward silence.

I let Ma off and waved, waiting 'til she got inside before I revved my truck's engine, and peeled out of her driveway. My hands shook like a motherfucker as I held the wheel, sheer emotion tearing through me, a fuckin' lifetime of hell trying to work its way out before I flipped it on its ass.

Bringing Hannah closer upended everything. But fuckif I'd get cold feet now, or let her slip away, all because the past kept me from making the moves I should.

No more half-assing it. No more regrets, just like Ma said. I'd march into her mansion, sweep her off her feet, and have her right by my side while we took the joys, the sorrows, and everything else a man and woman should. Long as they did it together.

“I'm coming, darlin'. This time for good,” I whispered into the darkness. “Get ready. I ain't leaving 'til I see you wearing PROPERTY OF DUST with a smile on your face.”

9

Ashes to Ashes (Hannah)

Several Hours Earlier

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