Our eyes meet briefly before I step to the side of the examination table. Promising.We will be okay.

I hope we can both fulfill our end of the bargain, whatever happens.

The doctor is a kind-faced older woman with frizzy silver hair. “Lily?”

“Yeah,” is all Lily manages.

“I’m Dr. Hannon,” the doctor introduces herself. Her clipboard is pressed into her chest. It taunts me. “You’re the father?” she asks me.

Hearing her say that aloud makes me want it even more. “Yes. Yeah, I am.”

Dr. Hannon gestures toward a chair along the wall. “Please.”

I’m confused at first but realize she’s asking me to sit. Maybe she can tell my legs are about to give out. I grab the chair and pull it as close to the table as I can get. As I settle in, I take Lily’s hand in both of mine and squeeze tight. She gives me a fleeting smile.

Dr. Hannon goes to a machine in the corner and starts pressing buttons. “I’m sure this has given you two quite a scare. It’s good you came in.”

Lily grabs my hand tighter.

Once Dr. Hannon is done clicking on the machine, she rolls it closer to the table. “Your urinalysis came back with high hCG levels. Higher than average, actually. That could be good news but might be a sign your body hasn’t yet caught up with a miscarriage.”

The word hangs in the air like poison gas.

“The amount you’re bleeding is concerning but doesn’t necessarily point to a miscarriage, even if it’s unusual,” the doctor explains. “I’m going to do an ultrasound, see if we can pick up on baby’s heartbeat and that will give us a clearer idea of how to proceed.”

I almost feel outside my body as Dr. Hannon prepares Lily for an ultrasound, mostly because I’ve only ever seen this ontelevision. They always make jokes about how cold the gel is or the couple banters about if it’s a boy or a girl. All we want to know right now is if it’s a baby at all.

However, with Lily laid back on the table, her gown pulled up and a thin paper sheet over the lower half of her body to reveal just her midriff, it feels nothing like a movie. It’s so much more. So much bigger.

“Alright, let’s see what we can see, hm?” Dr. Hannon says with a smile and a waggle of her eyebrows before focusing in on the screen very purposefully faced away from us.

Lily looks at me, her hazel eyes wide with fear. I’m feeling it too, but I have to be strong for her. For us. I take her hand and lift it to my mouth, kissing it gingerly. But I do not put it back down. I keep it there as my own totem of comfort.

She smiles. “Love you,” she mouths.

Still? After everything. “I love you too,” I mouth back. If I were to say it aloud, I might start to cry.

Dr. Hannon uses the wand across Lily’s stomach which looks no different than it always has, and yet I hope upon hope it will change in the near future. The seconds feel like centuries as she positions the wand in the right place.

“Ah!” Dr. Hannon exclaims. Her smile hasn’t faded so I guess that’s a good thing, but I can’t say her surprise feels good. “Lots of information here. Do you want the good, the bad, or great news first?”

Lily breathes out. “That’s a lot of news.”

“Good, bad, great,” I answer for her, and she smiles gratefully.

Dr. Hannon chuckles and turns the screen. It’s all grey and gritty, and, while there are shapes, it’s all blobby. She points to a few pixels that are pulsing. “Good news. The baby’s fine. Heartbeat looks good and fast as it should be. Looks to be on track for seven weeks. We’ll get sound on that in a second.”

I sigh in relief as does Lily.

“Bad news, although I guess you could say it’s good, is the bleeding is coming from a sub-chronic hematoma. You can see it right here—” She points to a hollow gap connected to the orb around our tiny blobby baby. “Basically, you’re hemorrhaging. It’s unusual, but not unheard of.”

Lily raises herself onto her elbows. “And that doesn’t affect the baby? Everything’s fine?”

“Should clear up in a week or two. But that means you need to rest.” Dr. Hannon eyes me. “Keep her off her feet if you can, Dad.”

Lily pulls on my hand, beaming ear to ear. The smile tugs at my heartstrings. There’s no questions about it now. “And the great news,” she says eagerly. “What’s the great news?”

“Well, you see there’s another sac right here,” Dr. Hannon moves her wand and another bubble appears next to our baby’s bubble. “It’s small, but it’s there.”