Page 79 of Twins For My Bestie's Brother

Lily

Cider Bay in winter can be beautiful, but in the late gray of January, it’s purgatory. And that feeling isn’t helped by the hopelessness inside me.

I’ve been back home for five days. I haven’t looked back once.

Today would have been our return from Banff. But I don’t know what Jackson did after I left The Zenith. I don’t know if he followed me right away or stayed in Banff for the rest of the trip. I don’t know which would make me feel better. I blocked him on my way to the airport. No phone calls. No texts. I need the void of him more than his presence.

His not existing would probably be best. This betrayal of my trust is worse than anything Will ever said to me. Because Jackson knowsme. We were family before we were . . . this. Or that. I’m not sure if it’s something I possess or something I used to possess.

His not existing is not an option. Not only because Cider Bay belongs to both of us. In fact, he was here first, only by a year andchange. But also, and probably more importantly, because he’s a part of me.

When I got home, I arranged a doctor’s appointment ASAP. And that confirmed it.

I’m pregnant with Jackson’s child.

A part of me is still glad we have that slim thread connecting us. Another part of me wishes I hadn’t been so consumed with falling in love with him that I hadn’t stupidly decided him pulling out would be fine and safe. We both know better than that and yet willfully chose to be ignorant.

Now . . .

I’ve decided I have a couple of weeks to not think too hard about it. It’s early, yet. Not even two months. Not willful ignorance this time, no. I’ve already got the prenatal vitamins, and I’m watching what I eat.

But all the other things. What am I going to do, and when am I going to do it? I can’t think that far ahead, or else I’ll start thinking about Jackson and how he fits into the puzzle, and that sends me over the edge, right into hysterics.

Thankfully, my parents decided since I was going on a trip they’d go on one too and left the store in the care of the small staff. I go back tomorrow, which will be a good alternative to sitting around the house all day.

I’ve been trying to draw, but it’s hard when the whole plan feels like it’s gone out the window. There are still papers to be signed and decisions to be made when it comes to the property and without Jackson’s money, I’m shit out of luck.

I can’t believe I let myself rely on him and think that my future would be comfortable and easy thanks to him.

If Jackson isn’t safe, no man is. I thought he’d protect me. Always. After a lifetime of knowing each other . . .

I don’t know if I ever really knew him. Not after Banff.

For the third day in a row, I take a nap in the afternoon that takes me all the way to dinnertime. I make myself a cup of EasyMac because it’s the only thing I can manage to make and doesn’t make my stomach queasy. Morning sickness is just around the bend.

How am I going to tell my parents? How am I going to tellKayla?

I feel more like I’m eighteen than twenty-eight.

I crawl back into bed with my cup of noodles and start scrolling through Instagram as I eat. It’s flooded with images of other artists and shops I follow. All the work they’ve done in the past few weeks. Big, beautiful tattoos, some that took several sessions of work. Tiny flash tattoos that look like stickers on skin, how perfect and vibrant they are.

I go to my account. I haven’t posted in a long time . . . since the week after I left Seattle. A tattoo I did in this very room on the front of my thigh. A heart shaped padlock with a key turning, snapping it open. I was proud of that one. Liberation. At the time, I thought I’d be free much longer than this.

Now, I’m chained again to love I wish I didn’t have.

There’s a creaking from the hallway outside my room. I sit up straight and stare at the door. Is it the house settling? Or someone in the house?

“Lily!” Kayla shouts from the hallway.

Fuck. I didn’t tell Kayla I was home and quietly turned off location tracking so she couldn’t see I’d left Banff early. Given how I’ve been unbothered since I got home, I assumed Jackson was too embarrassed to say anything. As he should be.

“I’m coming in!”

I swing my legs out of bed. “Kay, wait—”

She bursts in before I can get up. She’s mad. Red in the face mad. I swear her glasses are fogging up from her anger. “What the hell is going on?”

“I should have never told you where the spare key was,” I murmur.

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