Page 43 of Twins For My Bestie's Brother

The confirmation is like an arrow to the chest. “Why?”

He licks his lower lip. Still not looking at me. “I can’t do this anymore, Lily.”

No, no,no. I need him to be in this with me. I can’t let Will win. “Jackson, please, don’t . . . ”

Jackson is silent.

“I’ll do whatever you want. Okay? I’ll owe you a million favors. I’ll leave you alone for the rest of your life. I’ll do whatever, justplease,” I beg, walking forward with my hands quite literally folded in front of my chest. I stop a few feet away from Jackson. I’m begging to protect myself from Will. Yes. That’s part of it.

But the bigger part . . . the bigger part doesn’t want to have already shared our last kiss. I need to feel his body on mine again. Need the strength of his arms around me.

I hadn’t known someone could set my soul on fire like this. I’d thought love was good and uncomplicated and comfortable.

I hadn’t known it could be incinerating and passionate. I’ve only had a taste of it with Jackson. And it’s been pretend. But my body doesn’t understand that. I don’t think my feelings really do either. I won’t say that. I’ll keep it to myself because that will almost assuredly scare him away even further.

How do I tell him I need him without expressing every way I need him?

“What can I do to convince you?” I ask.

Jackson shakes his head briefly. “You can’t. I’m sorry.”

The tears that fill my eyes surprise me as much as they surprise him. “Jackson,please.”

“I’ve done all of this for you, Lil. All of it. For you. And what you need,” he says, cutting his hand through the air as if literally laying the argument down between us.

“I know. I know you have, and I’m so grateful.”

“And I would do a lot for you. Because you’re like family. We’ve known each other our whole lives, and there are so many things I would do for you without question,” he says.

“I’d do the same. Don’t you know I’d do the same?”

Jackson doesn’t acknowledge what I’ve said. Instead, he looks out at the night surrounding us. “I should never have agreed to this, because while I was doing this . . . pretending . . . with you . . . it was fucking killing me. Every day that we’ve pretended, I’ve been fucking dying.”

I blink. “I don’t understand, Jackson.”

“Of course, you don’t. Why would you? I never told you. You’ve neverknown. And that was my mistake, thinking you’d be careful with me.”

I shake my head in confusion. “Known what?”

Jackson inhales and lets out a deep, pained sigh. “That day at the store when I walked in to get Bengay. And Tia was there, and Kayla roped us into this—”

“Yeah, I remember. I remember that day.” What is he getting at?

Jackson pulls his arms tighter around himself. His eyes jump to mine. Then away. Then back to mine again. “I wasn’t stopping by to buy some fucking Bengay. I was coming to . . . ask you on a date.”

I stare at him. “What?”

“Don’t make me say it again,” he grumbles.

I stumble through the questions, trying to figure out the best way to get the whole story while not knowing what the story even is. It almost feels like a practical joke. “What do you mean you were going to ask me on a date? I mean, why didn’t you—when did you decide you wanted to do that?”

“Thirteen years ago.”

Okay, now I know he’s joking. I smile though the whole world is in upheaval. “What are you talking about?"

"I have wanted to ask you out since high school. And I was going to. I was going to ask you to prom when you were afreshman. But then I found out you were dating Will and I . . . I lost my chance,” he goes on.

I am not computing the details of his story. But I press on. “Did Kayla . . . ”

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