Page 25 of A Curvy Wonderland

I hoped he had his phone on him and that he wasn't too busy. Maybe they’d already taken a lunch break.

But after several rings, it went to an automated voicemail. I didn't even get to hear his voice before the tone, but I left a message anyway.

“Hey Eldan, it's Holly. I was just calling to let you know I wouldn't be in today, but I guess you already know that...” I closed my eyes tight like I could blink away the awkwardness. “I know Delilah and the girls are helping you out today and tomorrow but let me know if there is anything I can do. I’m happy to help.” There was another awkward beat where I wondered if I should say anything else, and where in the back of my head I thought I should have practiced this message before I called, but that was no use now. I finished the message, saying, “Bye.”

I hung up, looking at my phone, and feeling strangely empty. And it hit me that… I missed him. How could that have happened so quickly? I didn't quite know, but it was no use making sense of something so nonsensical.

Since my brother was occupied with video games and could stay in the same position for hours without even pausing to eat, I figured I would go out in town and do some of my favorite Christmas activities. Maybe there was a ticket left for the Garland Express or I could catch a matinee.

I put on my winter clothes and walked out the door, walking toward the train station on the outskirts of town.

I was a few minutes from my house when I got a text message. It was from Eldan's phone number and only had four words.

Eldan: Don't worry about it.

My eyebrows drew together as I paused on the sidewalk, wondering what he was trying to say. Finally, I sent him a question mark.

My breath created puffs of fog as I stood there, watching a text bubble dance on the screen.

Eldan: You don’t need to come by.

Holly: I don't mind.

Eldan: No need.

Then he added a thumbs-up.

My lips parted. A thumbs-up? That’s it? We kissed under the mistletoe and now this?

Had the kiss meant more to me than it did to him? I had thought he'd enjoyed it. I’d thought he saw me as beautiful.

But now I felt stupid above all else.

I'd let my hopes for my Christmas wish carry me away and read more into a moment under the mistletoe than it actually meant.

With disappointment seeping through me, heavier than any of my winter coats, I turned around and walked back inside my house and straight to my room.

14

ELDAN

Ihad been so excited to see Holly walk into the café this morning. So excited that I’d given up on sleeping around six in the morning, gotten up and ready, and worked over in my mind a thousand times what I would say to her. I'd keep it casual, something like, “Hey, you look nice today.”

The statement was easy to practice, because it was always true. Even if she was wearing ridiculous holiday-themed clothes, she was always pretty.

To top off the perfect greeting, I’d gone to the shop early and prepared hot cocoa so we could start our day out with a warm drink.

But when Tatum and Lucy entered the shop, they weren’t with Holly—they were with their mother.

Instantly, a heavy, deflated feeling settled over my chest. Holly had kissed me, and she didn't want to come back. That could only mean that the kiss was bad. That she didn’t like me. Didn’t want to see me again.

Delilah explained that her mail truck was broken down, and since she couldn’t work, she’d given Holly the day off.

Which just put more spiraling thoughts into my mind: Holly had only been coming by for her job. Had our time together meant nothing more than a paycheck to her?

As Delilah, the girls, and I went into town, doing odd jobs for different people who had requested it, a constant diatribe played through my mind about Holly and why she didn't want to spend time with me. How she'd gotten close, just like my mother had, and ran away. Left me.

So when Holly texted around lunchtime and not early in the morning, it was like salt in the wound. I was an afterthought. Her name in my phone sent a fresh coil of self-doubt through my chest. My mind had already formed the connection between her and the feeling of razor blades slicing over my heart one after another with each sad thought that raced through my head.

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