“I know,” I said, keeping my eyes on the sidewalk. Even though he and Mom tried to hide it from me, I’d heard the tense whispers and noticed how they wouldn’t make eye contact for a while before the divorce.
“Relationships require forgiveness,” he said. “You have to decide what mistakes are worth accepting and forgiving and which ones aren’t.”
We reached our house, Dad’s words echoing in my mind. Once we got inside, I told him I was tired and going to take a nap.
He kissed the top of my head. “I love you, Car.”
“I love you too,” I said. I meant it.
Then I went to my room and lay down. And even though I’d hoped to sleep away my troubles, I couldn’t. There were a million thoughts racing through my consciousness, and I couldn’t sort them all out.
Especially when it came to what Dad had said about relationships requiring forgiveness.
Was the mistake Whit made worth forgiving?
24
WHIT
Ipicked up some snow and packed it carefully onto the top of the igloo. It was coming along nicely despite being kind of small. Only young children could fit through the entrance.
Even so, building this with some of the kids staying at the lodge was a good distraction from everything that had gone down with Carolynn.
“This is the best igloo I’ve ever seen!” a kid next to me shouted before he crawled inside the structure.
“I hope so,” I replied. “We’ve spent all afternoon on this thing.”
He crawled back out, and another kid, a little girl, crawled in his place. “Whoa!” she cried. Her words were muffled by all the snow. “I’ve never been in an igloo before.”
My lips tugged up at her excitement. “Well, now you have,” I told her as I packed more snow around the entrance.
Maybe I wasn’t a great ice skater yet, but igloo making seemed to be a skill of mine.
“Let’s make a snow family for the igloo,” the little girl said. “A snow girl and a snow boy.”
“Great idea,” I said, and we got to work making the base of the snow people.
“Whitney, have you ever had a girlfriend?” another one of the boys asked me. Whit wasn’t even short for Whitney. I wasn’t sure if he was picking on me or just confused.
“Um, it’s Whit,” I reminded him. “And uh, that’s kind of a personal question.”
But both kids were still waiting for my answer. Right away, my mind went to Carolynn. She had sort of become my girlfriend. Maybe. Before it all ended.
“Not really,” I said lamely as we worked.
I’d come out here to get my mind away from Carolynn, and here I was, thinking about her again. It was hard to stop thinking about her, especially when building snowmen had been one of the fun things we’d done together.
I still remembered that first day we’d spent with each other, riding the Garland Express and seeing how much she hated Christmas. Thinking she was beautiful but guarded.
She was the kind of person who was rough around the edges but had a heart of gold she only showed a select few. It was my favorite thing about her—feeling like I was in on a special secret. It was clear to me that she didn’t show everyone her kind interior right away, but after a while, she had trusted me enough to show me her true self.
A fresh wave of guilt struck my chest.
She’d let me in and allowed herself to be vulnerable enough to enjoy Christmas for once, only to feel betrayed by me in the end. Would she have been better off schlepping between her parents’ houses, overwhelmed with activities and trying to act like she was having a good time?
I hated that I even had to wonder.
I kicked at a pile of snow and sighed.