Page 34 of Santa Loves Curvy Girls

“I understand if you’re mad at me,” he said.

I sprayed the cleaner again and kept scrubbing, moving on to the rest of the bench. I wasn’t mad. I was hurt. Disappointed. Losing hope that I’d ever have a real relationship before I got out of high school. But since I couldn’t tell him all that, I came up with a different reply. “Did you make a decision yet?” I asked, still not courageous enough to look at him.

He exhaled. “No, I haven’t.”

I stood up and finally faced him, paper towels and cleaning supplies in hand. “I understand.”

“You do?” he asked.

I nodded. “I just want you to know I can’t keep doing this. Whatever this is.” He cast his gaze down when I said that. “It’s wrong for me to get my heart so involved with you when it can only go so far. It’s not fair.” My voice broke a little when I said that last part, and I focused on swallowing and steadying my gaze on him. “I hope you understand.”

Then I left. I didn’t want to stick around and draw this out any longer than necessary. Knowing everything that happened between us was over hurt enough.

I finished the last of my tasks for the day, changed out of my elf costume, and headed home as quickly as I could, ready for all this hurt to be behind me. For the first time in my life, I was ready for Christmas to be over.

I texted Mom, letting her know I’d see her at home.

She would be home soon, with it being Christmas Eve. Most of Garland would shut down this evening, except for a select few places. Almost everyone would be with family, enjoying each other’s company and eating lots of food.

Maybe I’d go home and bake another batch of cookies before we started our Christmas Eve tradition. I could go around and visit a few people tomorrow and hand them out to spread some Christmas cheer, despite not feeling any at the moment. Anything to get my mind off of Santa and the ache he left in my heart.

I walked in the door, glad my dad and brother weren’t home to see me holding back tears as I took off my hat and gloves. Then I went to the couch and curled up with Yeti, running my fingers through his puffy white fur. He rested his head on my chest like he could tell how much I was hurting.

This had to be the most terrible Christmas to date. Which sucked because it could’ve been one of the best. But I reminded myself that even with everything that had happened, there wasstill so much to be grateful for. My parents, my brother, my dog, and my friends. Garland itself. The lights. Hot chocolate and cookies that filled our bellies.

Even with all those blessings, my heart ached for the one thing I didn’t have, the one thing that felt so close yet so out of reach: the boy with the bright blue eyes in the Santa suit.

I was losing him for good.

21

NICK

Itried not to let Belle’s words bring me down, but every time I thought about her voice breaking and the tears in her eyes, I couldn’t help but feel bad.

Her words had stung, but what had been worse was seeing how obviously hurt she was because of me. When I’d taken on this job, I just hadn’t counted on something like this happening.

How had things become so complicated between us?

I just wanted to go back to the day at the movies when we’d kissed under the falling snow, her nose cold but her lips warm.

I wondered if we’d ever be able to go back to that. Things weren’t looking good. That I knew for sure.

Would I ever get to tell her the truth? Part of me was certain it was too late.

Trying to put it out of my mind, I changed out of my Santa suit and back into civilian attire.

I had some last-minute holiday shopping to do. I’d hoped that maybe Belle would join me because I had one more special gift to buy that I knew she’d be able to help me with, but now I was on my own.

Back at the mall, I walked around the mall for a while, feeling kind of hopeless and distracted. Nothing I saw seemed like quite the right gift for my mom.

Sighing, I put down the large vanilla-scented candle. She deserved something special.

After looking at cookware and vacuums at the department store, I was about ready to give up and get her a store gift card. I left the mall, tempted to sit and be a grump with a cup of eggnog at Scrooge’s. So much for holiday spirit.

Then I spotted Vixen’s. Mom got her nails done there a few times a year as a special treat. It was her favorite splurge.

That was it.

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