Page 25 of A Fine Line

Reaching my car, I tossed the folded blanket in the back and settled into the driver’s seat. My phone buzzed again. and again and again. I inevitably gave up and reached to answer the call as it connected to my blue tooth.

“Hello-”

“What have you been doing that is so important that you can’t answer my calls?” With the tone in her voice you would think she was my mother. Or anyone else in the world who could possibly care. Instead, Winnifred’s name and contact emoji- a purple devil horned face- flashed across my dashboard.

I had a strong urge to turn around right back to the field again. “Oh, I’m sorry, Mom, I wasn’t aware I needed to be available for you twenty-four-seven.”

“Well you should have been. I’m at the chamber of commerce, you gotta come up here and sign something saying we’re a team and show your ID.”

I look to the time, nearly four now. My lips parted as I took a breath. “I can’t right now.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not in town.”

“Well get in town.” Her voice was hushed and forced out in rapid passes. “Believe me, I would already have this done ifyou weren’t involved. But Craig is insisting you be here. I even brought in a basket of baked goods. He ate one chocolate turtle in a single bite and still said you had to be here. That’s all I’ve got.”

“You know, I’m really getting sick of your attitude.” Still, I pulled my car into reverse and backed out of the parking lot. My disparity recently reached a new low, underground actually, when I agreed to work with Winnifreddie Kruger.

But she was right yesterday. Neither of us can do this without each other. So, if I had to draw the line between working with my mortal rival and cheating a system, I guess partnering with Winnie is my best resource.

“Hmm, I think you like it.”

I ignored that, moving past the topic of things I like about her. “I can’t be there until five, meet me then.”

“Hurry up please, I don’t want to sit around in my car for an hour.”

“It’s your fault for calling so last minute.” I argued.

“No, it’s your fault for not answering the phone from wherever you are.”

My fingers gripped the steering wheel as I turned to the left, heading straight for the interstate. Traffic, lights, cars, sounds, music, honking, bill boards flashing, crossing pedestrians. All of it was coming back to me one by one. My blood pressure rose beneath my skin, my thoughts churning faster and more incoherent. I can’t think in this city. I can’t breathe here, not like when I’m there.

“I-I have to let you go.” I knew my voice was shaking and I hated it. Hated that my anxiety was tipping higher and higher and the other person on this line was her of all people. If I had anyone that I needed desperately to never see this side of me, it was her.

A pause lasted so long in the phone I checked to see if we were even connected.

When she responded it was slow and soft, softer than I think she’d ever spoken to me. “Is everything alright?”

No. No, no, no. I felt it coming on like a wave crashing against the tide. It’s pushing and pulling and pushing some more and my blood was roaring inside of me. Everything in me was yelling to turn back. Away from the city, away from the noises and corruption.

Go back to the silence. Go back to the meadows.

And I couldn’t. I had no avoiding it. How pathetic was it to be so overwhelmed by your surroundings you couldn’t even enjoy the place you were supposed to call home?

“Crew?” Winnie’s voice came out almost vulnerable. And if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew her concern stemmed from a place of needing me for this competition, I would almost think she cared.

“F-Fine.”

Damn it, this was not the time.

A car honked behind me, long and strong, before passing me in a large whoosh outside my window. My eyes dipped to the speedometer. I’ve been going fifteen under the speed limit. And I couldn’t-I couldn’t force my feet to push any further down on the pedal. I couldn’t get there any faster. I won’t. The faster I drove, the faster I got there, the faster it all would come rushing back.

My car tipped over the hill, the city skyline far off in the distance, and my ears begin ringing. Strong and high-pitched and exactly as they had the last time I left town and was forced to come right back. My chest is tight. Panting breaths. Begging for space. My truck was so small. When did my truck get so small? The roof over me was closing in and I feel the cab shrinking. I couldn’t breathe, oh my god, I couldn’t -

“Crew, seriously, this isn’t funny.” Her voice. I heard it but it was just so distant. On the smallest screen in my head. Everything else was so much louder. Brighter. Bigger. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t keep forcing myself in this town. These tiny spurts of hours weren’t enough anymore.

“Crew!” She yelled with this higher pitched squeal- she only used that one on me when I snuck a ‘buy one get one free’ sticker with her custom logo onto the side of the menu over half of her most expensive items.

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