Page 51 of We Never Kissed

We stared at each other for long moments before he said, “What did she say?”

“She wanted to thank me… She knew about me already, about Sammy, our fam—”

“How, dammit!”

Nervously, I locked my fingers together and explained how she’d learned bits and pieces from social media, how she’d found out different things about Alex and his life, how she knew we’d been taking care of him, considered him part of our family. “She also knew I lived in Vegas, and since she did too…”

“No…” He dragged a hand down his jaw. “Please, don’t tell me you’re…friends?” He said the word like it disgusted him.

“No, we’re not—”

“Then what? Why was she texting you? What the hell was she talking about? And how could you not tell me?”

Every word dripped with pain that was like a knife to my gut. But I deserved it.

Hesitantly, I moved over to him by the dresser. Putting a hand on his arm, I said gently, “First, you should know that when I met with her in Vegas, she was living in a homeless shelter.”

The hard edges of Alex’s face softened, his eyes filled with emotion but he didn’t speak, so I continued.

“She’d been clean for quite a while but had a setback and pretty much lost everything. She would show up at the food pantry I volunteered at, and we’d chat a little, mostly about her situation. I only wanted to help her,Alex. But then she started asking questions about you, wanting to learn more about your life.”

Alex pulled his hand from mine. His chest rose and fell quickly and in a strained whisper, he said, “All this time… Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“She begged me not to. She was ashamed…of what she’s done, of what her life became. And she didn’t want you to have any more pain because of her.”

“And yet here we goddamn are…” He moved past me, headed out of the room.

“What are you doing?” I said, following him.

“I need a drink.” He went into the kitchen, pulled out a bottle of bourbon, and poured a healthy portion before slugging the whole thing down.

My heart broke as I watched his back, waiting for him to turn back around.

“So, what else?” he asked without turning to face me.

Hesitantly, I spoke. “I know I should have told you…but I was torn. You never wanted to talk about her, so I figured it was better you didn’t know, especially since she didn’t want me to. But she’s doing so much better now, has a job, a place… She even started volunteering at the food pantry. Then I moved back home. I didn’t think I’d see her again.”

He turned, leaned against the counter. “Then we sawher in Vegas. You could have said something right then. Or any time after.”

The disapproving look on his face cut to my core, and I could no longer fight the tears. My throat clogged and moisture gathered in my lashes. “I’m sorry, Alex. I was going to tell you but things with us have been—”

“What? Complicated?”

“Well, yes, but I was going to say wonderful…and I was afraid of how you’d react, of what it would do to us.”

“Looks like you were fucking right, then,” he said with a coldness that struck fear in me.

“Alex—”

“I want you to go.”

My breath caught, and I stared at him, my heart hanging in the balance. The silence lingered as I grappled with what to say, what to do.What does this mean?

Alex’s features transformed from anger to sadness, something even harder to witness. “I can’t do this, Ava. You knew…” He shook his head. “Now you’ve forced me into a place I don’t want to be, don’t you see?”

“I’m sorry. Can’t we—” I cut myself off at seeing his jaw clench. There was no point. I’d ruined everything. Leaving him in the kitchen, I returned to the bedroom to quickly gather my things. At his front door, I swiped at my wet cheeks. “You might want me gone, and you might not want to face your past, but your mother isn’t a monster.And she’s not your father either. She’s human. She had a problem. A disease. And she’s worked hard to change. Maybe you still don’t want her in your life, but hiding from your pain is never going to make you feel whole.” With that, I walked out the door. I stalled in the hallway, saying a silent prayer that he’d come after me, say he forgave me and still loved me. But the door remained closed, and I knew my heart would never recover without him.

Chapter 30

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