Page 35 of We Never Kissed

“That we should just stay in tonight?” I gave her a squinty smile, running my hands down her back to the top of her ass.

“As much as that sounds”—she slid her palms to my chest, a slight press that felt like a warning—“tempting…”

“You promised Erin.” One of Ava’s dance buddies left tickets for us for the early show, and I wasn’t going to be one of those guys that alienated his woman from her friends. “We should go.” I kissed her forehead. “Plus…I’m going to need much more time than we have now.” I winked and released her. “I’m going to need to take my time with you, Ava,” I said, throwing a look over my shoulder to catch her eyes wide.

The little huff of air she let out was an added bonus for me as she grabbed her bag and scurried into the bathroom.

Erin’s show was one of those acrobatic/dance shows with a crap-ton of lights and something happening in every part of the stage. But what was more entertaining for me was after, when we went backstage, and I got to see Ava in her element. In my eyes, Ava was everything. The total package. But to watch her peers look at her, interact with her, it really hit home how special she was, and that filled me with a sense of pride I probably didn’t deserve.

The dancers had another show to get ready for, so thankfully, we didn’t stay long.

Next we headed over to The Forum Shops at Caesars because Ava wanted to shop before our dinner reservations at Nobu. Never letting go of her hand, I followed her to her favorite stores, taking note of every single thing that caught her eye. Something about thedomestic feel of this scenario made me blissfully content—sure, the thought of what awaited me tonight helped, but just being with Ava felt so good.

Until we stepped out of a store and almost ran into someone I didn’t recognize for a split second—if it weren’t for those eyes that appeared in my nightmares… We stared at each other in shocked silence for what felt like long seconds, my heart lodging in my throat. I was only barely aware I was still holding Ava’s hand, when I felt it tense in mine.

My mother sputtered, “A-Alex…”

I shook my head, then pushed past her, hearing her call, “Alex, please, wait.”

Ava stopped short, our hands pulling apart. “Alex, wait.”

I turned back and stared at Ava, my mother’s blurry form behind her.

Ava stepped toward me, took my hand again. “Can’t you just—”

“No, I can’t,” I said matter-of-factly, darting my eyes for a beat to the woman who was basically a stranger to me, my pulse pounding and my anger building. “Come on.” My legs got me moving, but it felt like I couldn’t get us out of there fast enough.

Ava stayed quiet, even when we passed Nobu, and I headed to the exit. As we stepped up to the cab stand, Icouldn’t even meet her gaze. I couldn’t think straight, didn’t know if I should be ashamed for how I acted or pissed that Ava didn’t back me up. Of course, I didn’t even know if she knew the whole story of what happened that day. So, when she moved in front of me, and I was forced to look at her, I blurted out, “You don’t understand. That woman tried to kill me.”

Ava’s jaw went slack as she registered what I’d just said to her. I knew it wasn’t fair to drop that bombshell on her, but at the same time she had to know. It was finally time to get this out. She and Sammy only knew part of the story, and even though the memory was so vivid it was like it happened yesterday, I just never could put words to it, never wanted to acknowledge it by sharing what happened that day.

Ava slipped her hand into mine, and I could see her eyes water; it was so like her to take on the pain of someone she loved. When a cab pulled to a stop in front of us, she touched my face and said, “Let’s go back to the room and talk.”

We exchanged no words as we sat there, driving by happy families on vacation, young men and women dressed to the nines, ready to party like they didn’t have a care in the world. All the while, Ava held my hand tightly in her lap, as if she needed me to know she was there for me.

Back in the room, I sat on the bed, and she sat next to me. Before I could say anything, she turned her body to face me and ran a hand down my back. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to…but I’m ready to hear all of it.”

I nodded. “I know you and Sammy have wondered what exactly happened with my mother all those years ago.” I averted her gaze and shook my head, pointed my stare toward the window. “But you were around my father. You heard his comments about her. You know he kept her out of my life because she was a drug addict and never even wanted to be a mother.” I felt my own eyes burn at the thought my mom hadn’t wanted me. I drew in a deep breath and pressed on. “There was so much more than that, though.”

I felt her forehead press against my shoulder. “Oh, Alex, that must’ve been so hard for you.”

I forced myself to look at her. “Most of the time, I just live my life and don’t think about her. But when she pops into my head, I force her out…because the last time I was with her, it was one of the worst days of my life.”

***

Alex

Five years old…

I could barely make my legs move fast enough to keep up with my mom as she pulled me down the hall of my school. When she glanced back at me, she smiled, but I could tell she didn’t mean it. Her eyes were red again, and she just kept telling me to hurry.

Once we were in the car and we pulled away from the school, I heard the beeping in the front seat. My dad had made her carry a pager and a phone so he could keep track of her.

“Is that daddy?” I asked.

She didn’t answer, and when we missed the turn to our house, I said, “Mommy where are we going? Do I have a doctor’s appointment?” That was what they had told me when they took me out of class.

She glanced at me in the mirror. “No, baby. We’re going somewhere else, and it’s a surprise.”

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