Page 6 of Puck Me

Chester groans and closes his eyes. “No, leave Noah out of this. He’s been coming over almost every day after training to make sure I eat and shower. He does my laundry and cleans up around the house a little.”

“And on the days Noah can’t make it?”

Chester’s eyes cut to the ground. I suppose that’s my answer.

I find that silence is often one of the best therapeutic tools and I use that now. Chester bites his lip as the silence stretches. He finally looks up at me. “You aren’t going to tell Noah anything, are you? Because I don’t need him confiscating my razors again, and I really would like my car keys back at some point.”

I try not to let my alarm show on my face. “Everything you say here is protected by doctor-patient confidentiality, Chester. Why is it that Noah has confiscated your car keys and razors?”

“There was an… incident. With a box cutter.”

I wait for him to continue.

“I was drunk,” Chester says defensively. “I wasn’t really going to hurt myself. I just…”

“You just what?”

“I just wanted to,” Chester admits quietly. “But Noah confiscated it before anything could happen. That’s when he took a really hard line on making sure I’m safe and taking care of myself.”

This is worse than I thought. I knew Chester was severely depressed, but self harm and suicidal thoughts weren’t on his notes.

“Do you still have thoughts of hurting yourself?”

Chester shrugs.

“Chester, I’m going to need a verbal answer for that one.

He hesitates for a long moment. “It… It would be easier, you know? If I wasn’t here anymore. I mean, I don’t think I’d actually do it. I’m too much of a coward for that. It’s just thoughts, really, fantasies. We all have pleasant fantasies, right?”

“Most people’s pleasant fantasies don’t involve dying, Chester.”

“I know that, okay. I know I’m broken!”

“Broken things can be fixed,” I say quietly. “Chester, I’m going to recommend an admission.”

“What? You mean like in the hospital?”

“Yes. You’re clearly not coping. It sounds like Noah is doing a great job, but you need a dedicated psychiatric team. You have good insurance that will cover it. We can keep you safe and help you best.”

“No.”

I know I don’t need to convince him, not now that he’s confessed to suicidal thoughts, but I’d really like to have him make the choice himself.

“You came to me for help, right? I truly believe that this will help you. Hospitals have inpatient programs that will speed up the therapy process. We can monitor the effects of medication closely there. It’ll be a good thing.”

“No. I don’t want to be in the hospital.”

“May I ask why not?”

“It’s a waste of time and money. I’m not fixable. Go spend your effort and energy on someone who is.”

“I want to spend my effort and energy on you, Chester. I’m sorry, but the admission isn’t negotiable.”

“What?”

“You’re suicidal. You’re a danger to yourself. I can legally admit you against you will for a maximum of seventy-two hours. I’d like you to come in voluntarily, but if you won’t, I’ll do what I need I need to in order to protect you.”

“You can’t!” Chester snarls.

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