Page 36 of Puck Me

If he’s hurt himself, if something happened to him… The thought is unbearable. Unthinkable. Chester has to be okay. He just has to.

I go through to the bedroom and see Chester lying in bed, facing the wall away from me. I nearly collapse in relief when I see that he is breathing.

“Chester?”

He doesn’t so much as twitch.

I go over to him and gently place a hand on his shoulder, which still garners no response.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

I’m not sure if he even hears me. He’s staring blankly ahead, clearly lost within the horror of his own mind. He’s here, but not, prey to the demons that live in his head.

“I’m going to examine you, okay? I need to make sure you haven’t hurt yourself.”

A quick examination shows that Chester hasn’t hurt himself. Maybe it’s a good thing that he’s too distressed to move; that has protected him at least.

There’s little I can do except try to comfort him and wait until he comes out of this. I climb into bed behind him and wrap my arms securely around his waist.

“Come back to me, baby. Whatever is wrong, we can deal with it together.”

Chester is about as a responsive as a toy doll. I rock him gently, murmuring soothing things in his ear, waiting. Eventually, his hands come to grip mine.

“They said no,” Chester whispers. “The trial. They said no.”

“Oh, Chester. I’m so sorry.” I wish there was more I could say, something to make this better, but I can’t think of anything. I told him not to get his hopes up, but I can understand why he did anyway. Now, he’s crushed, and I can’t figure out any way to change that.

“I want to die, Storm. I don’t want to live like this.” Chester turns to face me, his cheeks shining with tears. “Will you help me, Storm? Please? I’m too much of a coward to do it myself, but you could help. You’d know which medications to take. I could end it all peacefully…”

My heart breaks looking at Chester in such misery.

“I can’t, Chester.”

Chester buries his head in my chest, shaking with sobs. “Please, Storm. Please. I just want to die.”

I can’t do this. I can’t see him like this. I can’t bear it.

“Leave it to me, Chester. I’m going to get you into that trial. You just need to hold on a few more hours. Can you do that for me?”

“How can you possibly get me in? They’ve already said no.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then promise me you won’t do anything drastic until I get back. I swear, I will get you into that trial, no matter what it takes.”

“I… okay, I promise. But I can’t promise anything beyond a few hours, Storm.”

“I understand. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I hate leaving him like this, but I know what I have to do. Chester needs to get into that trial. I send Noah a text, asking him to check on Chester as I leave. I head to my car and drive straight to our neighboring hospital, where the trial will be happening.

I pause in the parking lot, realizing that while I’m here, I don’t really have a plan. I’m going to need more than a heartbreaking story to get Chester into this trial. I grab my phone and do some quick googling.

Ah, yes. This should work nicely…

“I’m Dr Harris- here to speak to Dr. Kline. It’s about his clinical trial.”

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