Page 18 of Puck Me

“You know that wasn’t what I meant by that, Chester.”

Why does he have to sound so fucking calm? I want to scream and rage at him, but I know that will only get me restrained by orderlies. I struggle to my feet and stalk out before I can be dragged out. I do not need the least shreds of my dignity taken away on Storm’s orders.

I return to my room and I’m hit almost at once with déjà vu. Just like the last time, not half an hour ago, the anger doesn’t keep me going for long. Hurt and rejection well up, until even those get taken by the black hole, leaving nothing but sadness and despair.

6

Storm

“No, that’s okay, Brody. I’m sure he won’t give any problems. He just needed a little… encouragement… leaving my office.”

Brody nods. “I’ll keep an eye on him, just in case.”

“Thank you, I’d appreciate that.”

I don’t really think it’s Chester who needs supervision at this point. I called the orderlies for my benefit, not his.

I sit down behind my desk, effectively hiding my erection. I can only pray that Brody didn’t notice. If he did, he was gracious enough not to say anything about it. Brody leaves and I shoot an angry look at my rebellious dick.

Why does it have to choose to have a stupid gay awakeningnow, over apatient?Could it not be outside of working hours—not to mention the workplace—with someone I have no professional attachment to?

I take a deep breath, trying to settle myself, but I’m finding it very difficult to settle. The fact is that what just happened was way, way too close to disaster.

I was mere moments away from giving in to Chester. The sight of him on his knees reaching for my cock… Well, just the memory makes me achingly hard.

That can never happen again. I can’t even imagine the catastrophe of allowing a patient to give me a blowjob, in my office, no less.

This has gone too far. I can’t do this anymore. The most recent incident has made one thing very clear to me. It’s not safe for me to be Chester’s psychiatrist anymore—for either of us.

I grimace at the thought of having to break things off with him. I know he won’t take it well. He already feels like his old psychiatrist abandoned him, and from his perspective, I’ll be doing exactly the same thing. He’ll probably take it to mean that he really isn’t ever going to get better.

I… I’ll have to be honest with him. I don’t relish the idea of confessing my weakness to Chester, but I’m always encouraging my patients to be vulnerable with me. It’s time for me to take my own advice.

I’ll give him a bit of time to cool off first. He’s angry and hurt right now, and trying to have a difficult conversation at this point would be ill advised at best.

It’ll also give me time to steel myself for the conversation ahead. This isn’t going to be pleasant…

“Chester, please come in.”

Chester sits down, though he’s not looking at me. I suppose I should just be grateful that he’s in my office at all. I had wondered if he’d refuse to see me. The fact that he’s still here gives me hope that some part of him really does believe that he’s going to get better. He wouldn’t bother if that wasn’t the case.

“I need to tell you something, and I want you to try to listen with an open mind. Please, don’t close yourself to the idea until I’m finished explaining.”

“Whatever,” Chester mutters resentfully.

I suppose that’s the best I’m going to get for now. At least he’s talking to me. I can deal with resentful.

“I want you to see another doctor.”

I expect Chester to protest, but he doesn’t, so I continue.

“Her name is Dr. George. You may have seen her around the ward. She’s excellent at what she does, and I believe she can help you.”

I had thought Chester would be angry, but what I witness is so much worse. My words seem to strike him like physical blows. He hunches in on himself as if to protect himself from a physical assault. His face is white and his hands are trembling slightly.

“Chester? Please talk to me.”

“Y-you’re abandoning me?”

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