Page 117 of Resist Me

Bastard.

Willow gave our dad a hug and said something to him quietly. I watched until everyone got into their cars in the parking lot. My dad remained, which I decided to ignore. I wondered if he would go to the apartment or just hop on a plane like nothing ever happened. Hopefully, he’d choose the second option.

Not sparing him a glance he didn’t deserve, I headed back inside. My mind continued to tell me that I shouldn’t be here; I should be with my sister. When I saw Lincoln talking to coach, though, I felt a sense of warmth that had become more familiar to me. He walked onto the stage, looking adorably nervous. Within a second, he switched into his confident quarterback state. I sort of preferred him the other way.

He moved closer to the mic and cleared his throat. “If you don’t know me, well, I don’t know where the hell you’ve been.” A laugh echoed through the crowd. I leaned back against the wall, crossing my arms as I watched him. “I’m Lincoln Porter. I’ve been part of Harmon’s football team for four years and the starting quarterback for three.”

He began to chew on his lip. When his eyes lifted and met mine, a smile tried to break through. I returned it, hoping he’d somehow find encouragement in that. Usually, he looked all mushy when I gave him my classic West smile. A lot of the time, it was fake, but with him, it rarely was.

It was truly insane how I’d made it here. I couldn’t believe that I’d followed through and came as his date for everyone to see. I’d beennervous, but it hadn’t been hard at all. His asshole move with his grandparents wasn’t ideal, but I wasn’t upset about it either. Even now, when I looked at his grandma across the room, she offered me a sweet smile and a little wave. It felt nice, almost like when I was around Kai’s parents. That feeling of acceptance never failed to make me emotional.

They didn’t know me, of course. To them, I was the guy their grandson was dating. For some reason, he liked me and he’d stuck around this long, so I tried to convince myself it was real. To me, it was, yet I couldn’t shake the fear that the other shoe would drop.

The reason why… Just walked in the damn door.

Chapter 39

West

Why was he still here? He came for Willow and he should have followed her. Even though they weren’t incredibly close, they had more of a connection. He cared about her, at least, regardless of his inability to show it most of the time.

He came up beside me and leaned against the wall. My heart beat faster and my body tensed. Having him this close always made me feel torn between fighting and running. He couldn’t tolerate being near me unless he was using me as a punching bag.

“Is that him?” he asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Willow keeps me updated, you know. She says he makes you happy.”

“Yeah, well, my life isn’t your business.”

“If that’s how you feel, why’d you invite me?”

I kept my focus on Linc. He continued talking, but his eyes remained on me and occasionally landed on my dad. I couldn’t wait until he was finished so I could get out of this horrible situation.

“That’s a good question,” I replied. “In psych class, we talked about something called repetition compulsion. Maybe I self-sabotage by continuing to want something that’ll only hurt me every time.”

I heard him draw in a long breath. It made me roll my eyes. Was I hurting his feelings? Good. He had no right to act like he’d been anything but a monster to me.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he said softly. “I never should’ve said those things to you.”

“Yeah, I know. You know who convinced me of that? You know who helped me accept what happened and made me stop hating the sight of myself every day?” I nodded toward the stage. “Him. Linc. Not you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Fucking…” My teeth clenched and my nostrils flared. Linc must’ve seen something change because he stumbled over his words and looked a little pained. He wanted to dip, but I shook my head before I pushed off the wall and walked away. All I wanted was to listen to Linc’s speech, but now I couldn’t enjoy it. When I finally found something that made me happy, my dad had to come in here and ruin it.

Why had I invited him? I was an idiot, that’s why- constantly seeking his approval even when I didn’t actually want it. Maybe I did. It was too complicated to unravel, so I’d rather not.

When I made it outside, I slammed my hand into the wall. It hurt like a bitch, but I did it again. Footsteps made me drop my head back to stare at the sky.

“This is my hell,” I muttered.

“Look, West. I just want to talk to you. To try talking to you. Then, I’ll leave.”

“Why now?” I asked.

“Because you asked me to come and it’s long overdue.”

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