Page 95 of Unfix Me

“What, your whole family?”

“No. Everyone.”

I dropped the ball and looked up at the sky, giving myself a moment to breathe. It would have been laughable if he hadn’t already told me he was going home. That meant he’d agreed, or at least intended to.

“No, you can’t do that.”

“Kai, school will put me in so much debt that I don’t think I’ll ever crawl out of it. It’s a sacrifice, but if it creates a better future for me, I’d be stupid not to accept it.”

“You’re letting him buy your acquiescence.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

“Yes, you are!” Shoving my hands through my hair, I paced in one direction, then the other. “You’re putting money above being goddamn happy, Sen.”

“I am happy. I have you. We just have to do it the way we have been.”

“I can’t do that.”

His mouth opened, but no sound came out for a moment. “It’s not enough to be with me?”

I shook my head and my nostrils flared. “That is not fair. It’s six years.”

“It’s two for me if I just get my bachelor’s.”

“I don’t care. That’s too much. What happens when you graduate? Do you think he’ll just be okay with you coming out then? It’ll be something else.”

“I’ll figure it out when the time comes.”

“What are we doing here, Sen? Because if you really believe that you can stay hidden for that long… I can’t live that life.”

“You said you’d be patient.” His expression fractured, revealing the pain he’d been hiding from me all day.

“I can wait, but only if I know we’ll have a future together. Openly. And now… I’m not sure we do. Two years is a long time. Two months has felt like a long time and I thought we were getting closer. Waiting while gradually moving forward is different than having to remain stagnant until god knows when.”

“I don’t know what to do, Kai.”

Marching toward him, I latched my hand around his neck and kissed him. I put everything I had into that kiss. He needed to know how serious I was, how willing I was to do anything for him.

“I told you that you’d always be safe with me,” I said against his lips. “I meant that with every cell in my body. If they want to hurt you, they’ll have to make it through the massive barrier of my love for you because as long as I’m still alive, I’m going to be your shield. Nobody deserves to go through what you have and I feel sick thinking that you’re going to put yourself in a position to be hurt by them again.”

“Kai-”

“I’m not letting you go back to them, especially not alone. You’re going to tell him no and we will do whatever we have to do because this is right. You and me are right.”

When he pulled back, my face pinched. His eyes were distant in a way that caused a physical pain in my stomach.

“If we can figure all of that out, we can figure it out this way too. You can’t just force me out of the closet.”

“I don’t want to force you out of the closet. You should be able to do that in whatever way is healthiest and safest for you, but this is neither of those things. I can’t just wait around for that day. I can’t wonder when or if it’s going to happen at all. You want me to accept that I won’t be free to express what I feel for you for years. You have to understand how that’s too much.”

“Are you…” He put his hands on his head and stared up at the gray sky. “Are you ending this?”

My eyes closed for a few seconds before I looked at him again. “No, but this hurts me because I am so in love with you and I hate that our future doesn’t sound happy to me right now.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he rushed out. “I know I’m all fucked up.”

“It’s okay. Let’s just take some time to think, okay?”

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