Page 66 of Unfix Me

“Football isn’t your dream.”

With a wink, I pinched his chin briefly, then jerked my chin toward the school. I watched him walk away, feeling the lightness ebb a little when he disappeared. Preparing myself mentally, I tapped the call icon.

“Hey, kiddo,” Mom answered. She sounded tired.

“Is everything okay?”

“I’ve told you that you worry too much, Kai. I just miss you and, well, I wanted to give you a little update.”

Leaning my forehead against the steering wheel, I forced myself not to think the worst.

“We’re going to have a nurse here to help look after Dad.”

“What? Did something happen?”

“No, no,” she said quickly. “It’s just to help me out. When he’s not lucid, he’s confused and gets frustrated. I can’t keep him safe when he’s like that. The nurses are trained for it and they can give him something to help calm him down if he needs it.”

She drew in a shuddering breath that made my lips tremble. My eyes burned and when I closed them, a tear slid down my cheek.

“It’s the right thing,” I assured her. “You need the help. I just… Maybe I should come home so you’re not doing it alone.”

“No.You’re not putting your entire life on hold at nineteen to watch your dad go through this.”

“It’s not to watch, Mom. I want to help you and I don’t want something to happen while I’m gone. Even if it’s two years from now, I’ll only have a handful of moments with him in that time. Mom, I…” Tears streamed faster as an ache formed in my chest. “I want to be with him.”

“Listen, Kai. I know that you want to spend as much time as you can with him, but are you going to stay here for five years? Ten years? We don’t know how long he has and it’ll only get harder. I don’t want all of your memories to be of him deteriorating and I know he doesn’t either. If he knew that you threw away everything, he’d be sick over it.”

“But-”

“No, I’m not finished. Being here won’t change anything that’s going to happen, but it’ll change you. All those wonderful memories will be taken over by this. It wears you down and that’s not your job to handle. It’s mine. Your father will die someday and so will I. Our job is to prepare you to live without us, not to stop for us. You can love him and still do what’s best for you. That’s the greatest way to honor him because he raised you to be this beautiful, kind-hearted person. He raised you to behim.”

My breath stuttered. It felt like a betrayal to be here, having fun and falling in love, when he was suffering. I knew she was right, though.

“Okay,” I agreed when I found my voice. “But I’m gonna fly home for Christmas to have more time with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s non-negotiable.”

“Promise me you’ll stay positive and enjoy college while you’re there.”

With a sigh, I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “I’ll try.”

“Good.” Her voice pitched noticeably upward. Her change in tone helped to dispel the lingering ache inside of me. “Now, your posts have hidden meanings lately. Are you going to tell me or will I have to call West?”

“West doesn’t even know,” I laughed. “There’s someone, but he’s not out, so out of respect, I’m not gonna give you details right now.”

“Is he good to you? I know it can be hard in that situation.”

“Yeah, he’s good. He’s special, Mom, and I really hope you get to meet him someday.”

She made a soft squealing sound that managed to trigger a smile. “You better be treating him like a king, Malachi Adler.”

“Look, I’m trying, okay? He’s sort of stubborn.”

“Good. A challenge is exactly what you need. At the end of the day, just make sure you love him a little extra. Those kids we see at the parades…”

She trailed off and my thoughts did as well. Pride parades weren’t really my thing, but my parents stumbled upon one in the city quite a few years ago and ended up talking to a lot of people. They met far too many who hadn’t spoken to their parents in a long time or didn’t have good relationships with them. After that, they started going to every event they could and offered support. Sometimes, it was just a good conversation and a hug from a parent who would love them no matter what. It was both heartbreaking and heartwarming. The tears that were shed spoke of internal battles they’d been fighting for so long without any hope, just constant bloodshed and turmoil within their souls.

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