Page 42 of Unfix Me

Stop thinking about Kai. That shouldn’t have been so damn hard.

On top of everything else, my phone rang. I saw that it was my mom and even though I knew that I should answer it, I couldn’t right now.

“Sen!”

West’s voice made me stop abruptly. He jogged over to me with a smile on his face. I struggled to hide my shock. We hadn’t spoken since before I worked with Kai at the ice rink and I’d one hundred percent assumed that he’d hate me now.

“Hey, West.”

He wrapped me in a tight hug and let out a long groan. “You coming to the game Thursday?”

“Dunno. Haven’t thought about it.”

“What, no special seat this time?” His wink made me grind my teeth.

“Doubt it.”

“Something’s wrong. Spill.”

“Look, I’m not really in the mood right now. I think I need to take a nap.”

“Naps are good for the grumpy soul. Speaking of grumpy… Hey, Kai!”

He waved his hand in the air as he stared over my shoulder. I ducked my head and brushed past him hurriedly.

Running again. Like a coward. Pathetic.

What I wanted to do was stick my head in the sand and never let myself see the sun again. I went for the next best thing and climbed into bed with the covers completely cocooning me.

In here, I was safe. Nobody could see the thoughts written across my face or try to dig out the dirty things inside of me. I wanted them all to stay put, never to meet the open air.

It was a fantasy. I was quickly unraveling, becoming a victim of my selfish desires.

Kai. He was in my head. Those green eyes haunted me when I closed my eyes. All it took was his voice today to make me almost cave. Then, he looked at me. And I’d seen nothing there. It hurt, which was enough to confirm that I was well and truly fucked.

Chapter 15

Sen

The fact that I’d been leaving extra early was probably concerning. I knew that Kai generally walked out the door about ten minutes before Montaghue’s class. The idea of running into him in the hall and feeling that awkward desperation to talk to him made me want to bang my head against a wall.

Worse, part of me wanted to run into him. I’d gone so far as to look for a reason to say something. Maybe he’d share his notes from class, although he sat in the back, so he knew that I took my own notes. If he paid attention, which he probably didn’t.

I was sick.

I was sick and I was in treatment.

That was what Derek reminded me of over the weekend. He showed me a picture of his family. They were all smiling and he boasted about how happy they were. I wanted to be happy too. He said that I couldn’t be unless I got better.

It wasn’t hitting the same as when I was at camp. Maybe it was because I wasn’t immersed in it. I couldn’t be at all times, so there had to be a way to keep myself on track while I lived in the real world.

After class, I went directly to the cafeteria. I hadn’t eaten much in the past couple of days, but I knew that I needed to try. The mind couldn’t work if I didn’t stay healthy.

Brooks saw me and waved me over. Kai was there too, sitting beside him, but West was absent. I wondered if he was okay. Last week, he’d been a little glum and he wouldn’t tell me what was going on, but I didn’t think it was just a passing thing. I recognized the distant look in his eyes. It mirrored what I felt right now- a long-standing concern that was out of your hands and gradually wore you down.

It was a bad idea, but I joined Brooks at the table. Kai glanced up briefly but otherwise didn’t acknowledge me.

That’s a good thing, I reminded myself.

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