Page 39 of Unfix Me

I turned around and continued toward the back room. My mind had reverted back to the desolate place it’d been this morning, then it made a hop, skip, and a jump straight into the next dimension. When was the last time I dealt with something like this? It’d been a long time, actually. At least most people had the decency to avoid being my friend from the start, rather than acting like my friend for a while.

“Kai,” he said after I opened the door to the large storage closet.

“This is where you’ll find most things you’ll need for the day when working the floor. Cleaning supplies, broom, vacuum, and all that. Tables should be wiped down regularly. Even if it’s not your specific job that day, we all share the load.”

“Kai.”

“Portia works most Saturdays. She’s cool, but she tends to talk to people a lot, so sometimes she gets behind on things. Either pick up the slack or tell her to shut up. She won’t be offended.”

“Can you fucking look at me?”

Reluctantly, I did as he asked. I didn’t show him what his words had made me feel. My face was a careful mask of certainty and confidence.

“I’m sorry,” he said, almost sounding sincere. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“I’m worried there will be confusion or something.”

I laughed dryly. “I’m gay. That doesn’t mean I want to bone every guy that crosses my path. God forbid I want to have non-romantic male friends.”

“I…”

“It’s fine, Sen. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

I left him in the closet, which felt like an ironic metaphor. I’d never felt the need to be in one. The moment I realized I was attracted to men, I told my dad, and he was excited.Excited. He said he’d get to have two sons someday. What I just went through with Sen gave me an unwelcome taste of the other side. I didn’t experience it often and I really hated when I did.

“Hey, babe,” Portia greeted when I walked into the kitchen. “Why so glum?”

“Just need another pot of coffee.”

I poured the last of it into my cup and drained it while I waited for the next to brew. From here, I could see Sen pacing back and forth in front of the storage closet. Even after what he’d said, I didn’t want to hate him. Things were fine, then something upset him. He looked worse now. But why did he flip it around so fast? It felt like I was missing something. Since I was certain I wouldn’t get him to explain, I started getting the last few things ready before I had to unlock the doors at eleven.

*****

The drive back to the university was awkward, to say the least. It was completely silent and even the loud music I put on couldn’t fill that empty space.

Not that it mattered, but I didn’t want to cause more of a rift, so I walked up to the dorm at the same time. He kept his hands in his pockets and maintained a healthy distance between us. Every so often, he glanced over at me, but I didn’t acknowledge it.

When we were outside of our rooms, we both paused. It was as if we were each waiting for the other to say something. I stuck my key in the lock, which seemed to snap him out of it.

“I’m sorry I offended you.”

Pushing open my door, I turned slightly to face him. “I’m not offended. Just surprised, I guess. I didn’t think you were like this.”

That despondent look came over him again. “I’m sorry.”

“You can stop apologizing. It really doesn’t mean anything if you don’t intend to change it.”

“You’re right. Uh, thanks for letting me work with you today. Sorry it was a waste of your time.”

“Sen,” I sighed. “You can still work there. You don’t have to be friends with your coworkers.”

“But won’t it be awkward?”

“If you make it awkward. I’ll even drive you if you can handle being in the car with me.” When his brow furrowed, I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Poor humor. Goodnight.”

He didn’t make any move to go inside, but I didn’t wait to see if he had anything else to say. I closed and locked the door, then leaned back against it.

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