Page 91 of Unfix Me

He sighed loudly. “Your mom has been crying nonstop, Sen.”

Clenching my teeth, I blinked to clear my vision. “I just need the info, Dad.”

“You don’t care about how she feels?”

“Of course I do.”

“You’re hurting her for some selfish urges.”

“And what about how I feel?”

A few people looked over at me. I slammed my laptop closed and stuffed it into my backpack. Once I was outside, I leaned against the wall and tried to rein in my frustration.

“Not everything is about you,” he replied. His tone was dismissive, devoid of any emotion that would imply he cared.

“I can’t change who I am,” I said in a tiny voice that I hated. “This isn’t going away, so please, just give me the information and I’ll leave you alone.”

There was a drawn out silence. With each passing second, my desperation grew. Just when I thought I’d have to start begging, he spoke again.

“Let’s make a deal.”

“What kind of deal?”

“I’ll keep paying for your classes, but there are conditions.”

I wasn’t sure if I was more relieved or scared.

“You need to come home for Christmas. Your mom misses you.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“You don’t bring it up with us. Ever. I don’t want to hear anything about it and your mom doesn’t need to either.”

“I guess that’s fine.”

“And nobody finds out.”

“What?”

“If your lifestyle is public, I won’t have anything to do with you. Tuition gets paid if this habit stays in your private life. You don’t need to flaunt it like these people on TV.”

“But… Dad, I have a boyfriend.”

He made a sound of disgust that traveled straight through to my chest.

“I can’t stop you from doing any of that, but I won’t have it connected to my name. My family. Keep that shit behind closed doors.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“It’s your choice. I’ll send over the information you need while you decide. Your mom would be very relieved to see you at Christmas, Sen.”

The call ended before I’d even processed it fully. I couldn’t bring myself to move from this spot. As the rain fell, I remained under the small awning, watching its descent.

His demands were ridiculous. I could handle keeping that part of my life separate from them. It would suck and we’d all know it was fake, but we could still have a relationship.

I thought about what Kai said after I told him about the conversion camp. He told me that I should be disappointed in them, not the other way around. And I was. They’d failed me, especially my dad. But I loved them. Outside of the camps and bigotry, I saw them as good parents. Did one necessarily negate the other? I had no idea.

If I could have a relationship with my family, it felt like that was the right move, even if I had to make some sacrifices. It was the last stipulation that kept me from agreeing because it wasn’t just about me. Hiding myself was doable. I’d been doing it for a long time. Hiding Kai… It was wrong in every way, not to mention unfair to him.

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