Page 16 of Unfix Me

“Fancy.”

He laughed. I watched him turn the wheel using the heel of his hand. When he was on the street, it went back the other way, gliding smoothly over his skin.

I averted my gaze, instead staring out of my window. “I thought West would be coming.”

“West doesn’t drive.”

“Why not?”

“Why don’t you?”

“I do, but I don’t have a car.”

“Me and West drove here from Maine. It was a long trip, but it was pretty fun. Saw a lot of things along the way.”

Silently, I nodded. The idea of taking a road trip like that sounded like something I would’ve loved to do. It was a much shorter trip for me, but even so, I wouldn’t want to do it alone. That was a lot of time to think and run through the same playlist repeatedly.

“Do you feel better?” When I gave him a quizzical look, he smiled. “You were sick.”

“Oh. Yeah, I think I’m fine now. It was probably food poisoning. Another guy in the building had it and we both ate the sushi.”

He made a sound of disgust. “School sushi? No thanks. I know a good place a few blocks down. We could go sometime if you want.”

“Maybe.”

“With everyone, obviously. Wouldn’t want you to feel as uncomfortable as you do now.”

“I’m not…” I trailed off, not really sure how to respond. Kai seemed like someone who would easily see through a lie.

“It’s okay. We don’t really know each other aside from a couple of run-ins with my dick.”

Peeking at him, I saw that he was smiling. He thought the whole thing was funny. I wanted to. I probably should. That was the normal response, but the feeling I got when I was around him was one that I wasn’t supposed to feel. It triggered reminders of endless lessons, sessions, and exercises. Sweat, blood, tears.

Fear. Bad things would happen if I didn’t regain control of myself. It was instilled in such a deep place that my palms started to sweat.

Nothing bad is going to happen, I told myself.

So what if Kai was attractive? I wasn’t actively looking or having thoughts that I shouldn’t. He was just a guy with a nice face. And personality. And body. His eyes…

I shook my head, smoothing my damp hands down my jeans. Kai wasn’t into men, so when it came down to it, this was all harmless. Trying to avoid him didn’t work. We could be friends if I just got over the shit going on in my head. It was a me problem, not a him problem.

“Thanks for the offer,” I said, cursing the weakness in my voice. “We should do that sometime.”

He glanced at me with a hint of surprise on his face. “Cool. I need a good sushi night.”

The drive was stop-and-go, which was probably standard for Seattle on a Saturday night. I wasn’t sure how far the place actually was. We ended up on the freeway and I watched the bright lights of the buildings go by. Through the gaps, I could see the water and a ferry that sat between the pier and an island in the distance.

I wondered how much I would explore the city while I was here. My hometown wasn’t really small, but it wasn’t huge either. It was two hours from Denver, yet we didn’t go there very often.

One thing that drew me to Seattle was its beauty. Another was opportunity. We didn’t take many vacations throughout my life and I hadn’t been to a lot of places. Here, there was so much to do and if I wanted to explore even more, I just had to travel a short distance. Hiking, boating, swimming, the ferries, Pike’s Place, exciting food, good coffee. It was all here.

The term ‘fly the nest’ came to mind. I loved my parents and we had a great relationship, but I couldn’t claim that they weren’t overbearing. For so long, I felt like I was disappointing them and even though we were better now, the internal pressure to make them happy was stifling.

Kai turned into a large parking lot in front of a building with blue lights. It was huge. I suddenly felt even more nervous about this. If I ate shit, so many people would see it happen.

God, I needed to man up.

As soon as the car was in park, I got to my feet. I looked around, trying not to notice how full the lot was.

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