Page 7 of Everything I Want

“Then this one should be front and center I think.”

She steps out of my embrace and nods as she walks toward the tree to place it right in the front. I kiss the top of her head, and we stand staring at the ornament for a moment until Oliver comes bouncing back in the room.

“Grammy, can I put these ones on? I like the sparkly ones!” He asks while jumping up and down holding two ornaments in his hands.

“Sure you can sweet boy.” And the moment is broken while she gathers herself and focuses back on Oliver. We carry on as if the moment didn’t happen, but I know it did and it’s in the back of my mind.

Once the tree is decorated, cookies have been eaten, and Oliver has been put to bed, we join each other on the couch. We have the fireplace going, and Christmas music is softly playing in the background.

I’m nervous to ask Lorelei about what she said earlier. She made a comment about it being time to put away the ornament from Andrew. I would never want her to think that she needs to put Andrew away for me. I wring my clammy hands in my lap and try to find the right words.

“Lorelei, I have a question, and I don’t mean it to be offensive so please don’t take it that way.” She sucks in a breath but I continue, “Why did you say it was time to keep your ornaments from Andrew in the box?”

“Oh.” She pauses and seems taken back by my question, “I just- I don’t want you to think I’m always bringing him up, but I guess I am aren’t I? Even if I’m not bringing him up my actions are so all over the place. I’m so sorry. I’m trying to figure this out but I’m failing.” She hangs her head and I hate that she feels shame in this moment.

“Sweetheart, you aren’t failing. There is no roadmap to dating after a loss. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think about my ex-wife and our kid’s traditions growing up and that is a very different circumstance. You lost Andrew in the most unimaginable way. I’d never expect you to forget him or lock his memories away to make me happy. He’s a part of you, and your girls. I just want the chance to be a part of you too.”

In the most unexpected turn of events, Lorelei’s soft lips are brushing across mine for the briefest moment, I’m frozen in place, stunned by her movement. “Thank you so much. I didn’t know how to handle bringing in someone new, and whether or not I should try to act as if Andrew didn’t exist. I think that’s why I’ve felt so guilty, like I would need to erase him for a new man. I appreciate you keeping his traditions alive and wanting his memories to be present. I didn’t realize what a worry that was until you brought it up. I’d love for you to be a part of our story.”

I take her hands in mine, “Sweetheart, I wouldn’t ask you to forget Andrew, the same you wouldn’t ask me to forget Susan.The traditions we created with them helped shape the people we are now, and who our own children are. The traditions, and the love they felt from us all make up who we are.”

I tell her how my favorite memory with the boys was building gingerbread houses. They were never big fans of school, I always knew they’d go into the trades because they liked to work with their hands. So building gingerbread houses was right up their alley. We’d spend days beforehand jotting down our ideas, drawing out sketches, and creating a shopping list for our building materials. The night of, we’d order some pizza and get to building.

To this day, I love seeing my sons light up when I ask for help building something around the house. I will forever be grateful for Susan showing me what a strength my sons had for building.

I was never the perfect father, or even at times a good father, but our traditions were always important to all of us.

The evening ends with the two of us feeling carefree, snuggling on the couch sharing stories of Christmases past.

December 3rd

Scott:Get your construction skills ready, today we build and decorate gingerbread houses!

December 4th

Lorelei

Scott:Today we go shopping for a good cause. I’ve adopted two siblings from the angel tree at the elementary school. I’ll see you soon.

Working for your son in law has its perks. And getting to go shopping in the middle of a weekday with barely any notice is one of them.

While we were decorating gingerbread houses last night, or just simply making a sugary mess, Scott asked if I would be able to get off work to go shopping for the local elementary school’s angel tree. So I text Preston and he answered right away that Icould have the time off. I'm sure that Scarlett had a lot to do with the quick response.

I am changed and ready to go by the time Scott rings the doorbell just after lunchtime.

“Hello Beautiful. Are you ready to go? We’re going to your favorite restaurant for dinner after we shop till we drop for these kids.” Scott has the most devilishly handsome smile under that beard.

“My favorite restaurant? Just how would you know that?” I ask, joking with him. I can’t recall ever talking about that.

“You mentioned it once when we were cooking our surf and turf dinner over the summer. Remember when we were planning the luau for the seniors? You said they had the best steak you’d ever tasted in your whole life. So I took a gamble that it was your favorite,” he says as he starts the car.

Wow. That was so long ago, and I don’t even remember mentioning it. This man not only paid attention, but remembered it six months later.

“Scott. That is so thoughtful.” I place my hand in his, giving a light squeeze noticing the twinkle that is in his eye.

“It’s nothing. Trust me.” He leans down and kisses my cheek. “Now are you ready to go?”

I nod my head enthusiastically. I love getting to shop for the angel tree, I’ve done it every year since Lacey started kindergarten. Knowing that we can help spread Christmas joy to children who are needing a little extra joy, fills my heart.

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