Page 15 of Everything I Want

She turns in her seat to face me. “I was thinking about that while we built our snowmen. I was afraid the guilt would build inside with each milestone we have, but it’s not. The girls want me to be happy, and they aren’t upset, the opposite actually. I still get hit with a wave of guilt every now and then, but if he were in my position, I’d want Andrew to be happy.” She gives me a simple smile and squeezes my hand.

“I’m glad to hear that.” I lift her hand to my lips and kiss the back of her hand. “I talked to the boys this morning about their mother. They didn’t know she was coming back. She surprised them by showing up at their doorstep. I don’t know if she’s staying or not. But I wanted to let you know.”

She nods her head. Seeing Susan brings up the old feelings of inadequacy. I’m consciously trying to be all that I can for Lorelei. But if I get busy, will things go like they did in my marriage?

“What is going on in there?” She asks, lightly tapping my forehead.

“My ex is just bringing up old insecurities. I don’t want to do that to you, you deserve more. What happens when I hit busy seasons at work?”

“Scott. I’ve been around with you, even as a friend, for over a year. I know what you do puts a lot of weight on your shoulders. I know you have busy seasons, but we don’t have children that I’d be here with alone, raising by myself,” she assures me. "Besides, I know how much your work means not only to you, but to the seniors in our center."

“Ok. But promise me, if you’re feeling guilty, or grief you tell me. I want to hear about Andrew. And if you think I’m drifting too much to work then you tell me how you’re feeling. I will do everything I can to fix it.” She stands and tugs me toward her.

She wraps her arms around my waist. “I promise I’ll try to stay open too. And if you think I’m not, then you can tell me. Now let’s go inside to warm up and maybe later we can go to the diner for some hot chocolate again,” she smirks.

I smile as we go in the house, happy that she knows my failures as a husband but is willing to give me a chance despite knowing my past.

December 12th

Scott: Today we are going to volunteer at the soup kitchen passing out Christmas dinner bags to the less fortunate.

December 13th

Lorelei

Scott:I can’t wait to see you for the ball tonight, beautiful.

I knew I should have gone to the city for a new dress for Scott’s company party, but I spent too much time at the soup kitchen last night. I couldn’t bring myself to leave all those who are in need.

A dress pales in comparison to their struggles, but now that I’m trying to get ready, and this party will have people from all the regional senior centers, and the headquarter's corporate offices in Boston. I feel like I need something a little fancier.

This isthebig corporate party, so it’s more of a winter wonderland ball. An actual ball.

I stand in front of my closet, flipping through each and every hanger. None of my dresses are good enough.

I shut the closet doors and reopen them again, hoping something has magically appeared since I last looked five seconds ago.

Ugh!I sigh in defeat.

“Mom! Where are you? Lacey sent a date 911 text out for you! Addy and I are here to help!”

Oh goodness. Of course Lacey would invite Scarlett and Addy over to help. They do not miss any chances to meddle.

“I’m in my room, girls. Come on in.” The girls’ eyes are wide as they enter and see the mess I’ve created.

“Mom what happened? I don’t think I’ve ever seen this house such a mess. Unless, we created it.” Addy comes in with her hand over her mouth in mock horror.

“Oh hush, Addy. I can’t find the right dress to wear. This is a fancy affair!” I whine while gesturing to the clothes covering every surface of the room.

“No worries, Mom! I’ve got the perfect one.” Scarlett walks in with a dress bag that I immediately recognize. It’s a red silk dress I loaned to her for a charity gala with her fiancé, Preston.

“Scarlett, I gave that to you. It’s yours now.”

“Well now it’s yours again. Go on, put it on.” She practically pushes me into my bathroom.

I unzip the bag and run my hands over the soft silk. I remember the day I bought this dress.

I was shopping with Andrew in Boston after visiting Scarlett in college. It was by far the most expensive dress I've ever seen. We had just started dreaming of our trip to Paris together once Andrew retired. After I tried it on, Andrew insisted that I neededthis dress for our trip to Paris. He took it from my hands and immediately purchased it before I could argue.

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