Page 12 of Everything I Want

“Oh Scott. That’s so sad. It’s so hard when you think you’re doing what is best for your family, but in hindsight you see itwas more damaging.” She laces her hand in mine. “Is she back to visit? Do you guys have a relationship now?”

“No we don't. I haven’t spoken to her in a long time. The last time was when the boys told her I was dating someone shortly after the divorce. She was understandably hurt about the fact that I was putting effort into a new relationship that I hadn't put in with our relationship. But she met someone shortly after, and we just haven’t talked much since. To answer your question about her visiting, I don’t know. The boys usually tell me if she’s coming, but they haven’t told me anything.” I don’t want to hide anything from her, but I’m afraid of what she will think of me now.

“I’m so glad you were able to create a relationship with the boys, it seems like you are all very close now.”

“We are, I admitted all my faults and my role in the marriage falling apart when they were older. I didn’t hide anything, and now, I know the importance of balance. I guess I was already worried about having to cancel our date, and seeing her brought up old feelings of insecurities around work and relationships. I hope you still want me around after hearing my story.”

She spins around in my lap to face me.

“Scott, everyone makes mistakes. You have been nothing but wonderful to me. I couldn’t ask for anyone better to walk through this season with.” She seals her lips to mine.

I pull her in closer to me so we can continue the kiss from earlier. I can’t imagine a better way to end my day after the way it started.

December 9th

Scott:I hope you bring your A game, or ugliest sweater at least.

December 10th

Lorelei

Scott:I will see you after your dinner this evening for movies and hot cocoa, beautiful. I have tons for you to pick from.

I need to head out for Scott’s soon and I need to get these girls out of here. I love my girls, I really do. But having all three of them here when I leave for our date is not ideal. Last night they all had differing opinions on my ugly sweater for the ugly sweater party at the senior center.

Addy felt like I should go for asexy ugly, I don’t even know what that means, while Scarlett thought I should go with aholiday theme, and Lacey thought I needed to find the hideous Christmas vests I used to wear when they were kids. That earned her a swat on the arm. I loved those sweaters.

I know they like to give payback for all the times I meddled and made their dates come in to meet us, but I just want them to go home this time.

“Okay girls, I had a great time but I’m going to go to bed. I’m so tired.” I fake yawn for effect.

“Hold up. The table isn’t clear, the dishes aren’t done, and you don’t go to bed before midnight. You’re a bonafide night owl.” Scarlett narrows her eyes and points out all the things that are true.

“Yeah Mom, what’s going on? Scarlett is right,” Addy says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Mom. I’ve been here for quite a few months now, and I haven’t seen you go to bed with a dirty kitchen since I’ve been here, so I know this isn’t a new thing you do.” Lacey puts her hand on her hip, all three staring at me.

“Ugh, girls. Please. I am allowed to go to bed early and with a dirty kitchen.” I roll my eyes at their ridiculous behavior.

“Oh my god! You’re going on a date with Scott! And you don’t want us here! Here we thought you reserved a night for us,” Addy screams in her moment of realization. Of course, she figures it out. I should have known I couldn’t do this under the radar.

“Okay, yes. I am. I am going on a date with Scott. He is taking your Dad’s tradition of the 25 days of Christmas very seriously.” I busy myself with cleaning up and frantically begin gathering the mess.

“Mom, that's amazing. I’ve been telling you what a good man he is.” Addy comes and puts her hands on my shoulders, stopping me from cleaning up.

“Oh girls. I didn’t want to upset you. This is something your Dad did for me. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to replace your Dad because I’m not, I swear it.” I start tearing up as I confess this to them. The last bit of guilt that I’m holding onto about dating again.

All three girls descend upon me, pulling me to them for a hug.

“Mom. No way. We definitely don’t think that.” Addy, Scarlett and Lacey mirror all the same thoughts. They make me promise to not feel guilty, and send me on my way promising to clean up the kitchen for me. I didn't question anything for once and I took off to Scott’s house. I’m putting this feeling of guilt behind me.

When I park at Scott’s house, I notice his gorgeous tree in the front window and I feel so selfish! He has taken me to get a tree, and he helped me decorate and uphold my traditions, but I never once even asked him about his own.

As I am lost in thought about the guilt of my own selfishness, Scott opens the front door and walks toward my car. I hop out quickly, and meet him in the middle of the walkway.

“Hey gorgeous, what are you doing standing out here in the cold?” He saunters toward me with his arms outstretched, waiting for me.

“Oh, just thinking how selfish I’ve been with you lately,” I say, with sadness lacing my voice. I’m remorseful that I’ve not treated him better. I've been so wrapped in my own guilt, I haven't been thinking of him.

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