Page 9 of Mind Pucked

He looks at the paper quietly, and I make note of the differences. There are subtle changes in his jawline, and he has stubble now, but other than that, he’s the same guy. Just a little grumpier.

“Well, your qualifications look great. But if you don’t mind, I have a few questions. The thing is, I’m pretty picky about this position. After all, my daughter is my life.”

He leans back in a way that makes him look so sure of himself, and his tone is almost accusatory. Harsh.

I shift my feet uncomfortably, wondering if he’s put two and two together yet. Surely, he must vaguely remember that Preston had a sister.

Maybe not. Maybe he’s so out of touch and uncaring that he doesn’t even notice the last name at the top of the resume.

“Sure, I can answer some questions.”

I put on my game face and ready myself to win this position. It’s the only way I’m ever going to move forward from losing Preston. So, grumpy or not, for today, I need to make Jackson love me.

2

JACKSON

Ilook Amelia up and down, examining her in more ways than one.

She’s young, but how young I can’t quite put a finger on. She just has one of those faces. A face that could belong to a teenager or a thirty-year-old. And she has a great body.

If I was interviewing for a girlfriend or one-night stand, she’d be perfect.

The problem is, I’m looking for a nanny for Hayden. The only reason I haven’t completely turned Amelia away at this point is because of her resume and because of Quinn.

Quinn made a big deal about me hiring this girl. Apparently, they have seats next to each other at the games. And every time, Amelia helps Quinn with all the kids, including Hayden. Quinn even mentioned that Hayden laughs with her and will hold her hand on occasion. It’s not much, but for Hayden, it’s everything.

I don’t know what kind of trauma a one-year-old can hold. I don’t know how memory actually works for such a young child. But there must be something there, because Hayden has not letany woman get close to her since my wife’s death. Even though she can’t remember her face or anything specific, somewhere in there, Hayden must remember her mother.

It’s been killing me, because on the one hand, I absolutely want to preserve my wife’s memory, but on the other hand, I need to know Hayden is cared for and safe when I’m not home. And if she can’t bond with a nanny…well, that makes it impossible to feel like she’ll be okay.

But this Amelia, some superfan who’s been getting to know Quinn over three hockey games, has come in and proven that Hayden still has something in there. That someone other than me can pull some kind of socialization out of her.

Amelia is way too pretty for this job. She has me thinking dirty thoughts, thoughts that I don’t usually think much anymore. Losing Lyla, it did something to me. It broke something inside of me. I don’t usually feel anything for women anymore. Maybe I’m a bit like Hayden that way.

Amelia is perfect on paper too. She has years of experience caring for children. Babysitting for money throughout college. An au pair job. Two science degrees in education and child psychology. In fact, she’s overqualified.

Quinn and the resume both mention that she’s fresh out of college and looking for a job to get her through getting her certifications. Call me selfish, but part of me worries that if I hire her, I won’t be able to keep her. And if my daughter bonds with her, there’s no letting her go.

So I’m wary about this.

Mostly, I’m worried about the fact that she’ll be around my teammates. There’s no keeping her away from them, consideringI want my daughter right there with me in the action. Like always. Hayden’s never going to grow up and wonder why I wasn’t around. She’ll be a part of my life, even if my life is busy and different.

But Amelia, she’s the kind of woman the hockey players will chase. I’ve already had problems with that.

Vaughn, even though he’s married, slept with my last nanny. That’s why I had to fire her. The drama was hashed out in the locker room one day, and Coach gave me all kinds of shit for it too. Said that my nanny was completely unprofessional. Hayden was crying by the end of it.

I don’t know why, but Vaughn’s wife stayed with him after that, only to then be paranoid all the time, asking all of us on the team whether he’s being faithful and to watch him for her. Since then, he’s been as faithful as he gets, looking but never touching. Though, I think the incident ruined their marriage forever.

Sometimes, I feel responsible for it. Like I should have interviewed my nanny more thoroughly or watched her more carefully. But how was I to know she’d jump into bed with a married hockey player?

I sent her packing. She and Hayden barely got along anyway. I don’t know how someone can’t get along with a three-year-old, but I guess it happens.

And Amelia is twenty times more gorgeous than she was. How am I going to keep the wolves off of her?

And what if she’s the type to do the chasing?

I just need to ask the right questions.

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