Page 78 of Mind Pucked

“If you’re not going to talk about what’s got you so fucked up with your friends in here…” Ben begins with a tone of irritation in his voice. If anyone is going to be straight with me, it’s going to be him. “Then you need to get your shit together out there,” he says, pointing out the door to the ice beyond the barrier.

“You know I always bring my—” I begin, but he cuts me off.

“You’re the weak link Coach is talking about, man,” Benjamin says, and I feel his irritation rubbing against me. “He’s just being nice about it and not calling you out in front of everyone.”

I don’t blame him for being harsh on me. I know I need to get my shit together. I’ve been so distracted thinking about Amelia ever since the breakup. I need to push her out of my mind and concentrate on what matters now, and that’s the game.

“Thanks for your sympathy, Ben. It means so much,” I say in a sarcastic tone, even though hurting him or any of the guys is the last thing I want.

I’m happy when Ben doesn’t balk. He doesn’t even look like I just spat venomous words at him.

“What’s the deal, man? Is something going on with Hayden? Talk to us,” Oliver pleads with me. “How’s her arm?” he asks, and I have to think to remember she had a hurt arm.

“It’s doing much better—it was good after a week,” I say, hoping the subject can be dropped.

“That’s fantastic, but there has to be something else going on if your head just isn’t in the game like it should be,” Ben adds, lifting his hand and placing it on my shoulder.

I look down at the floor and shake my head, ashamed to tell them about it because I hadn’t even told them how strong my feelings were for Amelia. Sure, I told them my feelings the day I finally asked her to be mine. They were the ones who encouraged me to get back in the game and go for it with Amelia in the first place.

I love them for it, but I wish I hadn’t gone there now.

They just don’t know thatlikehad already turned tolove.

I take a deep breath and meet their gazes one at a time before speaking.

“I know this is no excuse for my shitty playing, but uh…Amelia and I aren’t together anymore,” I say as I feel a lump start to form in my throat. “We were great together, and now we’re nothing…well, I’m her boss and she’s still employed under me, but that’s it, and there’s no hope of it ever being fixed.”

I blink my eyes really fast to keep the tears at bay. I didn’t want the guys to see me cry over a woman, even if I’d felt things for her that I never thought I’d feel again after my wife died. Theyalready think I’m a weak link when it comes to the game, and I don’t want them to think I’m a weak link when it comes to my emotions.

Though…I’ve only shed a single tear this whole time, and crying might feel good. But now is not the time and place for all that.Fuck you, emotions.

“Aw, man, that sucks, dude. I’m sorry to hear that,” Felix says as he pats me on the back. “I know how much you liked having her around.”

“What happened? You two seemed so good together,” Oliver says quietly.

“I don’t really want to go into the why and how, but I promise I’ll be good by the game,” I tell them as I meet their gazes. “And I promise that if I need to talk about it, you four will be the first I go to. I don’t want the rest of the team to know my business, but you guys have been my brothers for years. You were there when Hayden was born, when I lost my wife, and I know you’ll be here for me now.”

They all nod, and I know I have to keep my word to them. I can’t let them down, no matter what I have to do to get Amelia and this whole damn situation out of my head.

I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that’s going to be even harder than I think.

I head back home, ready to see Hayden. She always makes me feel better no matter how bad I feel. I stop by Dean and Quinn’s and pick her up. As we drive home, I glance at her in the rearview mirror. Her little body gets lost in the back seat in the dark, but I know she’s here.

“Did you have fun, baby?” I ask her.

“Yes, Daddy,” she says. “I got to play on the slide with the other kids,” she coos with excitement from behind me.

“That’s so great—I’m glad you got a chance to play today.”

“Me too,” she says. “Do you think I can play with Amelia soon, Daddy?” she asks, and my heart drops.

“Soon, baby,” I say to her. “Soon.” I sigh as I pull into the driveway.

“Otay, Daddy,” she giggles.

“Did you get a bath at Uncle Dean’s house?” I ask as I get her out of the car, realizing her hair is wet.

“Yep.” She smiles at me. “Auntie Quinn had to wash the peanut butter from my hair. She said me getting a full bath might help you, and I got to play withbubbles!” She says that last word with so much joy.

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